


Hyung?

by Bobbiebobbie



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Heavy Angst, M/M, Porn With Plot, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-05-29 05:28:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15066173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobbiebobbie/pseuds/Bobbiebobbie
Summary: Youngjae loves Jaebum but not in the way Jaebum loves him.Or in which Jaebum takes everything good and beautiful about Youngjae and keeps it for himself





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Ao3 so I'm kind of nervous but also excited! I hope you all love it and I don't get any hate. Just a warning, this story will be very dark and will contain graphic rape and other serious issues that I am in NO WAY glorifying so just a heads up. Hope you all enjoy :)

The evening air was cold and wet and uninviting, with the thunder rolling in the distance and the clouds looming over the tops of the buildings, causing the June night to seem darker and later than it was. Lightning would occasionally flash blue light into the otherwise shaded room. It was warm inside, and cozy, with the huge fourposter bed and its giant fluffy duvet and numerous pillows- it was an island amid turbulent seas, the calm in the eye of the storm.   
"Hyung?" Youngjae's voice cracked as he called, so tentatively, as if afraid of the answer he might get. His pretty lower lip wobbled, tears welling up in brown eyes -usually so creased in his bright smile that they were little more than black crescents- and threatening to spill onto soft cheeks. The boy lifted his head slightly to keep the onslaught at bay, and he was so cute like this.   
Mark hyung had made sure to tell Youngjae that their leader needed him, and he was so so desperate to be needed. He had trustingly accompanied the oldest of the group to Jaebum's private, luxurious apartment, had confusedly obeyed him when Mark ordered him to sit on that huge bed and wait like a good little dongsaeng. Had gotten impatient when Mark pulled a silk cord from the closet and began to tie him to the headboard.  
"Hyung, what are you doing? What the-" he pulled away, thinking that if it was some joke the two oldest were playing on him, it wasn't funny- even thought he loved and trusted them both more than anyone, he couldn't help the uneasy, tingly little feeling just in the pit of his stomach that whispered, danger. The idea that he was unsafe only grew when Mark snarled.  
"Do as I say, stop being a whiny bitch." The words cut through his heart like a knife- never had he been cursed at, addressed with such an ugly tone and word usage, especially not by his beloved, sweet and gentle hyung. Just what was happening? He wished desperately that Jaebummie hyung would appear, would scold Mark for being so harsh and explain everything to Youngjae, that this was a prank gone too far. Then he would take him up in his big strong arms and hold him, kiss his hair maybe, if he was lucky, and take him downstairs where they would eat snacks and watch a movie, huddled together under a blanket while the rain poured and poured and washed away every bad feeling the day had brought.   
He waited patiently for just that to happen, allowing Mark to fasten his hands together and then leaving a long amount of cord between his now bound wrists and the headboard, so he was sitting comfortably with his hands in his lap. He was only allowed a limited range of motion, but at least he had any at all.   
Mark took his shoes and socks off, placing them in the bottom of the closet, before shutting the blinds and turning the lamp on, allowing only a soft yellow glow to illuminate the room. Then he was heading for the door. 

"Hyung," Youngjae repeated, pleading, the twist in his gut growing and growing with each tense second. Mark turned, gave him a cruel (he could only guess that it was cruelty lighting up his face- he had never seen it mar those beautiful features before) smile and licking his lips before opening the door.  
"He's all yours." He said, to an unknown presence in the hallway that Youngjae could only presume was...  
"Jaebummie hyung!" he called desperately, ashamed that he was so close to breaking down in sobs. What the hell was wrong with him? He had never been safer or happier than with his hyungs, he was being ridiculous and unfair. There was nothing to be afraid of! See, Mark was laughing as he looked back at him, and Youngjae realized that it was kind of funny. He was being such a crybaby! He tried to smile back at Mark, who turned away again before pushing past the figure and retreating. A few seconds later and Youngjae heard the engine of a car starting before it sped away down rainslick streets. The door closed and he looked up to see handsome, handsome Jaebum coming towards him with a concerned look in his eyes.  
"Bummie hyung, please- what's going on? He said you needed me but he was being so awful and mean and he cursed at me, hyungie, and he hurt me-" he didn't even realize he was weeping until his tears stopped coming as Jaebum scooped him up into loving arms. Oh. There it was. This is what he'd been waiting for.   
Hyung would make it all better.   
"Its ok, Jaejae. Everything's going to be ok." Youngjae almost purred when Jaebum began to run comforting fingers through his hair.   
"I'm sorry Markie hyung was mean to you. After we're done I'll bring him back for an apology, how does that sound, hmm?" Youngjae shifted, a little put off by the fact that Jaebum had him in his lap. He liked the feeling of course, but... Why? He was alright now.  
But he nodded. "Can we eat a snack?"   
Hyung gave him the softest smile, ruffling his hair.   
"Not right now, but we can later." He laughed again when Youngjae looked a bit crestfallen, his dongsaeng was too cute for his own good.   
"I'll be right back, alright?" Jaebum stood suddenly, and Youngjae looked up, confused by the mood swing.   
"Where are you going?" Realization hit him. "Hyung, untie me first!" Jaebum had forgotten and he hadn't even noticed. Now, the older paused in the doorway.   
"I'm afraid I can't just yet, Jae. Be patient and wait for Hyung." He disappeared, leaving Youngjae puzzled and discontented. What was going on? His wrists hurt! Besides that, the uncomfortable feeling of unease began to return to his stomach. Of course he knew it was nonsense- this was Jaebum hyung after all- but still. His palms were slick with sweat and he couldn't explain why.   
Jaebum returned a few moments later with an unseen object, sinking down beside Youngjae once more to smooth down his hair.   
"I want you to be good and trust hyung, alright?" He said softly, his eyes so dark and distant, boring right into Youngjae's soul. But... The younger felt his heart rate quicken, that sickening feeling of dread rising up like bile to his throat. Try as he might to swallow, his mouth was so dry, throat thick and tight. He took a shaky breath.   
"What do you mean, hy-"   
Jaebum's hand slipped from his hair to the back of his neck, squeezing it in a tight grip before forcing his dongsaeng's face closer, ending his sentence with a kiss.   
What could Youngjae say? Maybe in his sleepiest, most comfortable state, when rational thoughts faded and dreams began, he'd imagined locking lips with his hyung. Just to see how it would feel of course, because he'd never done it before and he trusted Jaebum more than anyone in the world. And- he'd always admired, even been envious of, the other's pretty lips.   
But there was something wrong with this. Jaebum's mouth was too hard against his own, too hungry, too forceful. He couldn't breathe for goodness sake.   
The older pushed him down into the mattress, his weight pressing into his soft flesh and trapping him, crushing him, and in that moment it felt more like an avalanche had toppled him and took his life and breath away, not a young man barely taller than he himself. Because- what was happening? What was Jaebum doing? How far would this pain and confusion and suffocation go?   
"Jaebum-" he pleaded weakly the first chance he got, the older's lips sliding off his in his haste to taste more.   
"Just relax, honey. Let hyung take care of you." The other mouthed against his bare neck now, his eagerness and lust growing with each press of lips against hot, smooth, milky skin. Youngjae felt so shocked and overwhelmed that he couldn't help new tears coming to his eyes, hurt and frightened and so goddamn confused because how was he supposed to trust Jaebum? How was he supposed to relax? He wanted to scream at his hyung to stop and get a grip and that he should be ashamed of himself, wanted to hit him and force him to make it up to him with cookies, but he was so out of breath he thought he might pass out. His limbs wouldn't move.  
"You look so pretty, you know that? I've wanted this for so long." Hyung's teeth grazed his throat, just under his Adam's apple, before he began to suck the spot hard, causing his dongsaeng to cry out and grip the sheets with thin fingers.   
"Hyung..." he groaned, fueling Jaebum on to make another mark on the pale expanse of flesh before him, and another one and another one. He couldn't get enough of the sweet taste, the lovely sight of Youngjae's skin usually so pale, blooming into beautiful reds and purples. Mine, he thought. You're all mine.   
"Hyung please. It hurts." The tiny whimper below him had him halting, looking at the other's face to find it tear stained and red. So pretty. His eyes trailed down to look at his work on the boy's neck, his pants growing impossibly tight at the sight.  
"It's alright, Jaejae." He whispered. God, it would be so much easier if Youngjae wanted this... "Hyung will make you feel very good." He trailed long fingers down the smaller's chest and tummy, reveling in the way his body heaved under the touch, the heat below his skin practically burning and yet leaving Jaebum wanting more.   
"Shhh," he whispered as he licked into the shell of his member's ear, soothing him as his hand went further down.   
Youngjae jerked when his hyung began rubbing his crotch through his sweatpants, his body reacting to the friction in ways he didn't want it to and silently asking him to allow more. He wouldn't.   
His hands were tied but his legs were free, and he managed to kick his hyung in the stomach, instantly feeling bad for it but trying to remind himself that he was the one being wronged. Jaebum's hurt expression really didn't fortify that argument.   
"Stay away, hyung." His words were shaky, low and frightened but they sent a message that it would be impossible not to interpret correctly.  
Jaebum looked at him for a long time, his eyes so cold it was like there was nothing in them. Youngjae gulped in fear. Please hyung. I want to write this off as a silly misunderstanding. I want to trust you like I always have. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us.   
They looked at each other for a long time, the silence piercing and the atmosphere thicker than the torrents of rain outside. Youngjae swallowed again and again, watching for any signs of relent in those cold, cold eyes- and finding none.   
"I'm not sure you want me to stay away." Jaebum said with a wicked smirk on his face. He pressed his hand once more where it didn't belong, between Youngjae's legs, who hissed at the contact. He was hard. Painfully, embarassingly, incriminatingly hard.  
It was only natural. He was a young man, hormonal, who had only touched himself once in his short life and had never done it again because he felt gross and dirty and guilty. Since then he had managed to keep it in his pants. He stayed away from porn, not to mention strip clubs or the like. It was inevitable that his virgin body would react to a touch so intimate in the way that it had- regardless of whether he wanted it to happen or not. It was only instincts, plain and simple.  
Hyung, this isn't like you. He wanted to say. But in a horrible, twisted way, it was exactly like Jaebum. The knowing smirk, the gentle, almost fatherly tone he used, the pet names, the assurance that leader knew best. The sex appeal. Youngjae felt so heartbroken in that moment he felt a physical pain in his chest, a dull ache that made him want to close his eyes and just sleep and not wake up.   
He decided to try one more time. If something didn't change- then surely God would forgive him if he felt the need to end his life after this experience.   
This isn't the only option. Let's talk about it. You're not in your right mind. This isn't you. What about the group? What about our careers? Your reputation! What will they say? Surely I'm not worth going to jail over. What would your mother think? Don't you love me?  
He was screaming in his mind, every possible argument that he could come up with on how Jaebum would regret doing this to him, anything to make him change his mind, to make it stop.  
All that came out of his mouth was:  
"Jaebum, please."   
God no.  
The older boy ignored him, practically squeezing him, finding the shape of his balls through his clothing and rubbing them, causing waves of unwanted pleasure to course through Youngjae's veins and it wasn't fair. Of course he hadn't imagined his first time to be this horrific. For a moment he thought it would be better if it were a stranger violating him- at least then he could safely say he hated the one who harmed him.  
But Lord above. This was Jaebum. JAEBUM. His kind, loving Hyung, his patient leader and strong protector, a good man, an artist with a beautiful voice and an even more beautiful soul, someone who cared deeply about the problems in the world, who would jump to defend any girl being harrassed, who was non-judgemental, witty, open-minded, good natured, peaceful, generous, positive, hard working, confident, humble, trustworthy.   
Youngjae came with a sob, so soon and sudden even Jaebum wasn't expecting it, giving the younger a surprised look as he took just seconds to come down from his high, his gaze softening.   
"So cute, look at you." His tone was too familiar, even as he wiped the tears streaming down his dongsaeng's face.   
"I bet good boys like you never touch themselves, do they?"   
To Youngjae's dismay it didn't end there. All of a sudden his pants and boxers were being yanked down and off his legs, leaving him in nothing but an oversized sweater.   
Jaebum took up his soiled blue underpants, and Youngjae watched, beyond horrified, as the older slowly licked at the stain on the front, trying to suck up the last drops of his orgasm before they were absorbed in the fabric.   
"So good for me, Youngjae-ah," he praised, similar to the way he complimented him in the studio. Youngjae didn't even bother saying anything. He was too afraid of what would happen next.   
He felt almost...numb, in a way. Like he knew that after what had happened so far nothing was going to get better for him, and he had accepted that. Even his tears started to dry a bit. He couldn't even bring himself to feel embarrassed about his exposed lower half, which Jaebum was now eyeing interestedly.   
For a moment the older paused to undress, pulling his shirt overt his head and revealing a beautiful torso that Youngjae had always admired. Then long fingers were struggling to unzip tight jeans and he was shimmying out of them, muscular thighs in front of Youngjae. His Calvin Klein boxers had the biggest tent in them, the bulge embarrassingly larger than Youngjae's despite their size similarities. It was as if Jaebum's body was mocking him- as something he had always wanted, in more ways than he would like to admit, he was now going to get it, but against every fiber of his will.   
"I'm going to need you to trust me, alright, honey?" Youngjae wanted to so badly. It would most likely never happen again though. He ignored the words, just as he ignored the wet kisses being planted along his chest and tummy and thighs.  
The object that had been hidden from him since the start was now revealed to him, as Jaebum now opened the cap to the bottle and squeezed the clear liquid onto his fingers.  
"Hyung, you aren't seriously-" This time fear crawled up his chest to seize his wildly beating heart, because this was a new level of wrong, surely he wouldn't dare-   
The finger probed the most intimate, private part of his body, trying to gain access to a space so impossibly tight and narrow it had Jaebum groaning above him. Youngjae was so panicked that he was unintentionally clenching so hard his thighs were shaking, making it harder for both of them.   
Jaebum brought a warm hand up to the hem of his sweater, snaking his fingers underneath it and bringing them over the smallest bump of fat on his tummy and up to his chest, tweaking the pink flesh of his nipple until it hardened. Youngjae was so distracted by it that he relaxed his muscles a little, Jaebum taking his chance and pushing his index up to the second knuckle inside the younger's body.   
It was an odd sensation, to say the least. Youngjae could only watch as Jaebum worked his finger in and out of his tiny hole- only wincing as he added the second beside it. He could feel every scrape of the older's fingernails, every curve of his knuckles, the rough drag of skin on skin.   
Then more lube and a third was added, the pain increasing with the size and he bit his lip, watching. The situation reminded him of times when he was little and he would see men missing a limb- he was disgusted, but so fascinated at the same time that it was impossible to look away.   
But this was his body. There were fingers in his body- working in and out so vigorously and he could feel his skin stretching slowly, and he was growing accustomed to it.  
Then something happened. A certain movement, the slightest push upwards with a crook of all three fingers.... And suddenly white was cascading behind his eyes in a pleasure he hadn't ever experienced before. He felt himself arching off the bed and he vaguely heard a noise like a moan and it occurred to him seconds later that it was coming from his own voice, because Jaebum was laughing.  
"Found it." He whispered, planting a kiss to the other's chin before withdrawing his fingers completely, leaving Youngjae safely empty.   
Hyung reached down to strip Youngjae of his shirt, leaving him completely bare. He paused to press both hands flat and spread out on Youngjae's warm warm skin before running them all over his torso, bending down to lick over his chest, his navel, farther down...Youngjae freezes, knowing what's coming next and not wanting it to happen.   
Surprisingly, he never feels the hot mouth on his cock like he thought he would. Relieved by this realization, he relaxes.   
Then Jaebum's tongue is against his hole.   
He cries out, scandalized, arching away from the foreign feeling but hyung just gripped his thighs and held him in place, lapping over the puckered skin with eyes closed in what looked like pleasure.   
"Oh my god!" Youngjae finally yells after a tortured hour of quiet whimpers and pleas as Jaebum forces his tongue against the ring of muscles, coating his walls with saliva as he thrusts it in and out repeatedly, face buried in the younger's full ass, thighs squeezing his head but he's too preoccupied to care.  
Youngjae can't help but feel horrible for liking the sensation just a tad bit. It feels much nicer than the fingers anyway- but then he remembers this is his butthole Jaebum is slurping, the dirtiest part of someone you could ever touch, let alone eat.   
Even in the darkest part of his mind he can't bring himself to wish harm on Jaebum and the thought of him catching a disease from sucking so greedily at his hole has his heart trembling.   
"It's dirty hyung, you'll get sick," He whimpers. Jaebum comes up for air, taking a deep breath.   
"No part of you could ever be dirty, Youngjae." He says sincerely, looking into his dongsaeng's eyes with adoration and it makes him so angry because Jaebum still somehow thinks this is what love looked like?   
He doesn't put his mouth on him again.  
Youngjae swallows hard, watching as Jaebum peels his underpants off, hard cock bouncing proudly up and standing at attention, huge and red and swollen. Jaebum thinks of putting it in Youngjae's mouth, pushing it down his throat before bringing it back up, watching it bulge out the side of his baby's cheek- but he's too impatient.  
"Trust hyung, honey." He says. "It'll hurt less if you do." He ignores the other's protests and grabs his milky thighs, hoisting them around his waist, maintaining eye contact the whole time. Then he aligns himself to that pretty virgin hole, and plunges forward. 

Youngjae screams and Jaebum shouldn't feel so aroused by the sound but he is- or maybe it's just the mind blowing, core shaking sensation of suffocatingly tight heat squeezing the head of his cock (that's all he's managed to push in so far). Youngjae's hole pulls him in deeper of its own accord, the suction accompanied with lube producing a dirty squelching noise and Jaebum is living for it- dying for it. He can't wait any longer without that sound, and the anticipation of even more of his cock being enveloped in Youngjae's body has him rutting forward.  
Youngjae can't believe his hyung is so blatantly ignoring his shouts of anguish, how can he be so cruel? He feels his skin tearing as the older moves, white hot pain shooting up his back, and all he wants is for it to stop, "please stop," but Jaebum is so far gone he's past the point of return. He bottoms out, and both are hypersensitive to the sensation, every inch of his dick pressed so tightly all around by hot, hot flesh and it burns as he drags those inches back out one by one before snapping forward. Youngjae's walls are not accepting the foreign object so easily just yet, and it take two more thrusts to sheath fully again and the squelching is back and so are Youngjae's screams.  
It hurts so bad in more ways than one and he looks up into Jaebum's eyes for a second, gazes locked as he begins to really move, and then the moment is lost as Youngjae screws up his eyes to fight back tears. The betrayal is so surreal that for a split second he wonders if he's dreaming, if he'll wake up in his bed at the dorm with Jaebum beside him. But then oh. That spot is found again, the one that makes waves of heated bliss crash over him with the force of a tsunami.   
He cries out, or at least he thinks he does, as the strength of the sting pales in comparison to the mind blurring pleasure.   
And it doesn't stop there- once Jaebum brushes against it the first time he does it again, and again, and again. His pace builds to a rhythm, every surge of his powerful body into Youngjae's causing the younger's prostate to be hit dead on. And god, Youngjae is hard again, cock slapping his stomach a millisecond after Jaebum's balls slap his ass, sobs quieting to breathy pants because that's all he body will allow at this point, too overwhelmed by everything happening.   
Jaebum groans and throws his head back in pure euphoria, because fucking Youngjae this hard is every bit as good as he imagined it.   
So many nights when he couldn't sleep, he found himself staring over the other, ever so carefully lifting his shirt to observe his pretty stomach and pink nipples, slipping into closets just in time for Youngjae to enter the bedroom or bathroom to strip, his naked body getting Jaebum hard on countless occasions. Every innocent hug, every wide eyed gaze, every time Youngjae cried and asked him to kiss a hurting finger- it had all led up to this moment. And he regretted none of it. Because there was nothing to describe or compare to being inside him, bruising him, claiming him, kissing him. Youngjae. Youngjae. Youngjae. You're all mine.   
He found himself quickening his pace, every blink of an eye matched to a harsh, ripping thrust, sweat dripping from his body and pooling with Youngjae's on his white, feverish skin. He wasn't crying anymore, but muttering incoherent strings of words, the end of each sentence ending in a drawn out gasp.   
"Jaebum, hyung, it- ah!"   
"I-" thrust- "can't-" thrust- "take-" thrust- it, a-aah!" A particularly hard ram had Youngjae's head hit the wall, and then all of them had him doing it because they had moved too far, the smack of skull against drywall accompanying the slap of skin, the gasps, the bed springs, until it all blended in a beautiful harmony for Jaebum. No music he or his group had ever created could stand up to this.   
He could feel heat seizing up his stomach, like a weight was gradually being pressed down onto him, the pressure building slowly but steadily until he was driving forward madly to try to relieve it.   
Youngjae could feel it too, for the second time that evening, a d he felt grateful for it because it distracted him from both the physical and emotional trauma it brought with it.   
Jaebum began planting hot, frantic kisses all over his neck, nipping at the wet skin again and again, drawing blood and earning sharp hisses from tbe boy under him, and even though his legs felt like jelly, the sound spurred him on. He grabs Youngjae's face and brings their mouths to slot against one another, open and sloppy, drool trailing down the younger's cheek as Jaebum sucks his tongue, each touch bring him closer and closer, and he can feel it, every time he plunges into that heat it brings him maddenly near the edge, and it's only a matter of time before he falls...  
Youngjae comes first, untouched, wailing, back arching beautiful as he gives up his all for his hyung, white spurting across both their chests and Jaebums5 hips stutter for a second at the heavenly sight. It's not enough though, and he continues, ignoring more of Youngjae's sounds of discomfort, this time overstimulation. The younger is clenching around him, body writhing, but Jaebum can't help it- his movements are losing their perfect precision and speed.   
"Hyung, why?" Youngjae asks, and Jaebum feels it coming, he's so close-   
"I'm in love with you." Youngjae finishes broken heartedly and Jaebum explodes, pulling out in the midst of coming and showering Youngjae inside and out with white.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two! I hope there weren't as many mistakes as in the last chapter. Autocorrect is really wilding out here. Anyway I hope you all like it :)

Youngjae woke with a jolt to realize he wasn't in his own bed. The memory of the night before came rushing back at the ache in his arms, which had thankfully been untied during the night. He felt his fists clenching in righteous anger at the mistreatment he had been subjected to. He couldn't believe it. Jaebum had taken his virginity. What was he to do now? Pretend it didn't happen, try to forget about and face Jaebum every day as they carried on their careers together? Should he tell someone, such as Jinyoung or their manager, and risk Got7's wellbeing in the process? He felt so dirty, how could he ever show his face to anyone ever again?  
He looked down at his body, spread his legs to inspect the bruises, the dried blood and cum still caked there, and had never hated it so much in his life. How could Jaebum even have found him desirable enough to violate in the first place? He was ugly. From the soft roll of his tummy, to his stupid little dick, he was just...ugh.  
Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes at how insulting the whole situation was. He was nothing before it all, and Jaebum had pushed him further into the dirt where he belonged.  
The only thing he could find comfort in was the fact that, in a way, Jaebum had done his worst. It wasn't like he could do much more to him without risking their band members finding out. Even if he hurt him again (Youngjae's heart seized up in panic at the thought) he wouldn't dare do anything remotely suspicious in front of anyone else.  
He slowly rose to his feet only to cry out and fall to the floor at the sudden, excruciating pain that flared up in his lower back, laying on the floor and hissing until it subsided. God, would he be able to walk ever again? At this rate it didn't seem likely.  
He heard a door somewhere in the apartment open and Jaebum appeared from the bathroom, dressed only in shorts and with a  towel hanging around his neck. He was still wet from the shower.  
"Are you alright, I heard a shout-" If Youngjae wasn't alright before, then hyung was in for a surprise now, because as the younger saw him walk in his heart began thumping wildly in crazed fear, hyperventilating at the thought of what would happen next, and Jaebum saw his wide eyes and he frowned with evident concern, as if he didn't know he was the reason behind his baby's panic attack.  
As he drew near, Youngjae faced up to the pain enough to back away from him, scrambling backwards until he hit the wall behind him.  
"Stay away from me, Jaebum." (Hyung.) "I-I'm not af-fraid to hurt you." A lie. As if he could hurt him anyway. The anger and betrayal he felt might be a good catalyst, but in the end Jaebum was still Jaebum and he was still Youngjae.  
The older reached out his arms placatingly, as if he could calm the younger down with soothing words and a stroke of his hand. It was funny, because, not 24 hours ago it definitely would have worked. But he ruined it. Ruined everything.  
"I trusted you, you- You bastard!" The curse was weak and unpracticed on Youngjae's tongue but it was the only word he could use. He was so... Angry.  
Jaebum halted but that wasn't really the point of the younger's words. He suddenly couldn't stop them.   
"You're disgusting. I never want to see you again. I'll tell Jinyoung- I'll tell them all! Let's see what they all say when they find out what a filthy, horrible bastard you are. I hope you go to jail. I hope you die. Don't touch me, don't come near me, don't look at me ever again. I hate you!" He screamed, standing up in the middle of his rant, hobbling to his pants and trying to put them on, falling to the ground again from the burn in his bottom before getting up and giving it another go. Half dressed, he rose, panting, so hurt and conflicted that he felt like he could throw up. He didn't realize his fists were clenched until he had to exert force to draw his nails from where they were embedded in his palms.   
He finally looked up, ready to fight. The look in Jaebum's eyes was exactly how he remembered it being last night, cold, empty, wicked. His bravery faltered just a little.  
"You hate me, huh?" He said quietly, the tiniest hint of a smirk on his handsome face. "That's funny, I remember hearing something pretty different last night." He sauntered towards Youngjae, who felt his lower lip wobble. How dare Jaebum bring that up. This was the height of cruelty.  
"Why, hyung?" Jaebum simpered, obviously mocking Youngjae's voice as he pushed up against him till they were chest to chest against the wall. "I'm in love with you." He laughed out loud.  
Youngjae smacked him. The sound of his palm hitting cheek was so sharp and satisfying that he overcame his initial fear of punching that led to it and went crazy, hitting, kicking, yelling, nails dragging on skin any chance they got, shove after shove, punch after punch making him feel so good even though Jaebum's broad chest didn't really seem all that weakened by his blows. He did stumble, which Youngjae loved, bringing his knee up between his hyung's legs with more vehemence than he thought possible for himself to muster. Then it was all over as sudden as it had started because Jaebum back handed him across the face with enough force to have him reeling backwards, falling to the bed and unable to register anything other than the sting on the whole left side of his face.  
Jaebum regarded him with emotionless eyes for a second before moving to the bedroom door and locking it. Uh oh.  
He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed a number as Youngjae watched in silence, wanting so bad to hate him and yet unable to all the way. He just waited.  
"So, how'd it go?" The voice on the other line asked, and though he could hear the words, the ringing in his ears made it impossible to tell who it was.  
"God, you can't imagine. You'll definitely have to come over and see him. He just attacked me a few minutes ago and cursed at me. It was adorable." He felt his ears turn red at the words, and even more so at the coo he heard on the other end. Who else would be so sickening?  
"I can come over whenever. You're getting me so excited I might just have to right now." The laugh heard suddenly gave Youngjae a sinking feeling. Could it be?  
"Do it. I already told him you'd come and apologize for cursing at him." They both laughed and Youngjae bolted up and for the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet and letting it all out. So Mark had been in on it the entire time. Of course it would've seemed obvious, but he had been subconsciously hoping that Jaebum hadn't let him know everything all of what was going to happen.  
It brought a horrific thought....if both Mark and Jaebum were willing to hurt him like this, then... Who else was? What if the group was in on it as well? What if no one was on his side? Crippling despair took his heart and squeezed it, and all he could do was calmly flush the toilet and wash his face and hands.  
He appeared in the bedroom doorway to see that Jaebum was still on the phone.  
"...yeah. Yeah- oh, and bring the...oh he's here. But you know what I mean."  
What was Mark going to bring? Youngjae shivered as he watched his hyung, who hung up before regarding him with dark eyes.  
"Well?" He asked, giving a smirk. "Feel better now?"  
Youngjae ignored the seemingly harmless question and just stared back at him.  
"I want to go home." He said quietly. Jaebum settled in the armchair across the room and folded his hands.  
"Come here." He ordered. Youngjae disregarded the words and pulled his shirt over his head, turtling towards the closet to retrieve his shoes.  
"Youngjae." Hyung's voice was sharp and held danger in it, and Youngjae couldn't help but look up.  
It was all so weird, because there was no one in the world he could imagine confiding in about this dark truth...unless it had been Jaebum. Who could he turn to if his whole world had betrayed his trust? His comforter was now what he needed comforting for.  
"Youngjae, come here." The older repeated calmly.  
He felt his feet move of their own accord. What was he doing?! Fear and disgust and hurt and anger were all whirling inside his gut and yet he continued to move towards his offender, not stopping until he stood directly in front of where he sat. He allowed- allowed- Jaebum to pull him gently into his lap, straddling the other's waist.  
"I'm sorry for hitting you. I didn't mean to hurt you." He brought a hand up to caress the red spot on his boy's cheek.  
Youngjae melted almost like he used to. He wanted so badly to return to how everything was before, wanted to forget everything and pretend it never happened. He felt himself leaning into the touch, against his will, and he heard his hyung give a soft hum.  
"Good boy." The praise sounded like it always had, but now it felt wrong.  
A thought entered his mind and Youngjae's lower lip wobbled. What if...Jaebum's plot hadn't been a sudden thing? What if a monster had been hiding under his skin all the years they'd known each other? Had their entire relationship been a lie, a mask to hide Jaebum's true intent? (And Mark's for that matter.)  
"Hyung please." His voice cracked on the word, so afraid of his answer but needing it regardless. "Tell me you truly loved me once." He placed a hand on Jaebum's face, their gazes connecting, and for a moment, Jaebum suddenly looked so shocked and sad and guilty that Youngjae had a little twinge of hope spark inside him. Jaebum's eyes filled (or maybe it was his imagination) and he opened his mouth to speak...  
"I do-"  
The door opened before he could finish and Mark stood, a malicious smirk gracing his otherwise heavenly features. Youngjae squeezed Jaebum's shoulder, feeling stronger after his display of...whatever it had been. Maybe he would tell Mark to leave-  
"I've got it, Bum. Can we start right now?" Mark said, an excited glint in his eye. To Youngjae's horror, Jaebum's eyes had reverted back to that cold, hard stare. He pushed Youngjae up before standing, pulling the younger towards the newcomer.  
"Yeah why not." He said, sounding completely calm and almost... Bored. Emotionless.  
"I'll hold him steady." He placed his hand tightly on the back of Youngjae's neck, the other gripping his arm as Mark drew closer. Youngjae quivered in fear. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening.  
"Aw look, he's shaking." Mark drawled. He soon revealed what only could be the thing he and Jaebum discussed- a syringe. What the hell? They were going to drug him?!  
"Jaebum," he implored, looking up and trying to find an ounce of mercy in the leader's eyes and finding none. "Please, don't let him do this." He cringed at the sound of Mark laughing but still kept his eyes on Jaebum, who regarded him coldly before gripping him tighter against his chest and leaving the expanse of his neck open for Mark.  
The needle pricked his skin and he cried, so afraid of what it would do to him. Would they fuck him while he remained just inside consciousness, knowing what was happening but unable to react?  
All three stood, waiting for results. For a second Jaebum and Mark stared dumbly at one another.  
"How long's it supposed to take again?" Jaebum asked and Mark shrugged awkwardly.  
"Dunno."  
For a sad surreal moment they were just two innocently stupid young men.  
It all changed as Youngjae gave them their answer.  
He cried out in shock as sudden heat swept over his body like lava, licking at every nerve ending in him, causing him to double over. It wasn't even a bad feeling- that was what surprised him- it felt good. It felt really really good. Suddenly the way Jaebum's chest was pressed flush against his back was irrestistable, and God, what was happening to him?  
He let out a little frustrated gasp at the sensation of Mark's hand trailing down his chest, because it felt so damn good and hot and he needed more-  
"What did you do to me?" He cried out, terrified at the desire he felt, ready and waiting to burn him to ashes because the only thought he could process was that he needed to touch.  
Without realizing it, he was grinding back against Jaebum's hips.  
"God, that's fucking hot, Youngjae." Mark breathed, and the former just whined, feeling so confused because, wait...wasn't this exactly what he didn't want happening? But rationality was out the window at this point.  
He moaned as Mark pressed against his front and joined their mouths in a sloppy kiss. Never had it felt so arousing, just to be kissed, never had the smell of saliva as tongues met been so aromatic, never had the rough drag of canine teeth seemed so alluring.  
Youngjae was going crazy and he didn't even know how or why.  
Jaebum had pushed him further against Mark until he was sandwiched between them, the leader mouthing at the flesh on his nape and leaving sensual wet pops after each kiss.  
"Jaebum-hyung, I can't-" He tried communicating just what was happening but the next wave of heat had him choking back a sob as Mark grinded their hips together. Youngjae's legs buckled and suddenly Mark was cooing.  
"Ahhh, Jaebummie, he's so hot. Maybe he should have a nice cold bath." All he could think was, no, I don't want a bath, I want fucked, but he couldn't even make the mind to mouth connection. He let himself be led to the bathroom, where Mark filled the tub halfway as Jaebum managed to pull off his old clothes, both of then managing to kiss and touch and lick at every latch of skin in convenient reach. His erection became glaringly obvious as layers were removed, and finally he stood between them, naked and aroused, confused and mind foggy, crying but he wasn't sure why.  
The oldest two stepped towards each other, ignoring Youngjae for a moment as they grabbed each other roughly for a passionate, eager kiss, tongues visible and noises utterly lewd as they panted into each other's mouths, Youngjae merely watching in arousal as they peeled their clothes off together.  
Mark seemed overly excited, nails scraping at Jaebum's shoulders to hold him still while he sucked bites into the younger's neck, Jaebum groaning and gripping his blonde hair to keep him from going down further.  
"No." Jaebum said simply and Mark scowled up at him, Youngjae too feeling a little saddened at the decision.  
"Mark. Fuck his mouth." Jaebum panted, and Youngjae felt a blush rise to his cheeks. That would definitely be a new experience for him, if may be a little frightening, especially since Mark's eyes lit up with animalistic want.  
The leader came up behind Youngjae and forced him to his knees on the cool time floor, Mark's hard cock obvious and intimidating right in his face. He swallowed thickly as Jaebum gripped his hair. He wanted to look back at him but it was hard to focus on anything than what was right in front of him.  
Which turned out better for him anyway.  
Mark didn't hesitate for anything, gripping Youngjae's jaw to force his mouth open before plunging his dick down his inexperienced throat.  
Jaebum lived for the way his baby's eyes filled with tears, how he made a tiny whimper at the back of his throat, the only indication that he was choking, the way his cheek bulged as Mark drew back, only to push right back in before the younger had a chance to breathe.  
Youngjae felt Jaebum take his place behind him, the leader gripping his hair and forcing him further on Mark's dick, his own pressed hard against the back of his neck. It only added to Youngjae's own arousal.  
By now he had recovered his sense enough to remember what they'd done, but he was too turned on to care. His body had taken over completely and he couldn't stop if he wanted.  
"Look at him, Bum. I can't believe our otter is such a slut." Mark gasped between pants and curses, Youngjae moaning around him and sending vibrations through his body like nothing ever had. Jaebum gave a sort of growl at the words, half aroused and half angry, but Youngjae only had a vague clue as to why.  
His throat was burning, and no matter how he tried to slack his jaw it ached and tears were streaming down his face but it felt so good that he couldn't help bringing his hand down and wrapping it around his own cock, utterly ashamed but ready to live up to the name Mark had called him. He was their slut.  
He gagged, Jaebum instantly bringing him off to cough and he had only a few seconds to recover before he was pushed back down. The warmth down his throat tasted oh so bitter and he could feel every vein with just a flick of his tongue, the head oozing pre come and it slid down his throat with each gulp.   
Mark was thrusting by now, Jaebum releasing the youngest and just supplying him with a back board so Mark could thrust desperately into Youngjae's mouth without Youngjae falling over. He felt so hot he thought he might come himself and he wasn't even the one being pleasured.  
He heard something wet and realized that Mark and Jaebum were kissing above him, Mark moaning and gasping so loudly into the other's mouth, jerking desperately in order to chase his release. He seemed pliant himself in Jaebum's hands, mouth slack as he let the leader dominate it, seeming to derive just as much pleasure from that as from the mouth on his dick.  
"Come on his face, Markie," Jaebum commanded, and the oldest was whining and pulling off Youngjae to spray just where Jaebum ordered.  
He fell back with shaking legs and Jaebum didn't wait for him to come down from his high, grabbing Youngjae without him, pulling him into the tub and forcing him on hands and knees, ass up. Youngjae whimpered at the cool water and the humiliating position, sensing lustful eyes on him and shivering. He heard the faint sound of a zipper being undone and Jaebum settled behind him on his knees. Youngjae gasped in want as the older gripped his waist and began to suck marks into the skin on his back, whispering gentle praise between kisses.  
"So pretty, Jae-ah" He breathed. "Taking Mark hyung's cock so well, just like I know you'll take mine."  
He thrusted into Youngjae's already abused hole without warning, still loose and raw and bloody from the night before, ripping a half anguished, half needy scream from poor Youngjae.  
"God." Jaebum groaned, eyes closing and head thrown back and Mark watched with hooded eyes. His leader was too beautiful.  
Youngjae gasped, biting his lip to distract him from the burn around his rim, and he tried bringing a hand to his dick but lost his balance, falling face first into the water, his back arching further. He recovered enough from Mark's laughter to rest on his elbows as Jaebum began thrusting.  
The night before had seemed worse than it was because it was his first time. It had seemed as though Jaebum would kill him with his thrusts, pounding into him so hard and fast that he was left breathless as he was jerked forward with every motion.  
This time was so different it gave Youngjae whiplash. Jaebum moved slowly, powerful but gentle at the same time, his hands on Youngjae's careful not to bruise as he continued to lap lovingly at his back.  
In any other setting, it would have been a lovely change. But given his circumstance, like, maybe, the fact that his entire body was on fire with want- he needed more. And when his prostate was found he couldn't bear to go at so slow a pace because that spot needed to be hit continuously.  
He hated himself for it, but he began to rut backwards to meet Jaebum's cock halfway. He hears a grunt and realizes it's Mark, who has come to from a better vantage point on the toilet lid.  
"God, so needy," he whispers, stroking Youngjae's hair as he whines in frustration.  
"Bum-ah, I think he wants you to go faster." Youngjae moans, tears pricking his eyes, because that's exactly what he wants.  
"Pl-lease," He chokes out, and to his horror Jaebum slides slowly out and rests, his cockhead just pressing against his hole but not going in. He wiggled back onto it but Jaebum holds his hips firmly for the first time.  
"He's gonna have to ask for it." He says, mouthing at Youngjae's neck so the words tickle his ear.  
He doesn't want to. He feels so embarrassed already, like a pathetic bitch who can't make up his mind on whether he likes it or not. But that's just it. He can't make up his mind.  
"Jaebum-ah, please. Fuck me." He grits out between clenched teeth, dying of shame when he looks up to see Mark bring his hand to his half hard cock again.  
"Is that how you should call me?" Jaebum pushes, and Youngjae hates him now just as much as last night.  
"Oh my god, HYUNG. Please fuck me hard, I need you! Please, hyung!" He cries out and before the last sentence is finished Jaebum is ramming into him, thrusts hard and fast just like he needs it, and his ads hurts so bad and he can feel the burn of skin where Jaebum's thighs rub against his own and it's going to be red and irritated but he can't bring himself to care because white hot pleasure is licking at his insides, the build up warm and heavy and his stomach. He gasps, wishing so bad he could touch himself but the position makes it impossible.  
He feels a hand, Mark's, running down his side to grip at his dick and he cries in relief as the oldest jerks him to the time of Jaebum's thrusts and it's all too much, and he can't even make out the words he's trying to say as he comes hard, the bathwater turning a milky grey as his spray is added to it.  
He collapses, boneless, as Jaebum continues. Mark comes next, having been jerking himself off the whole time, and Youngjae's shivers as it hits his back.  
Jaebum pulls out and Youngjae winces, but he looks over his shoulder to see his leader stand up before Mark, who instantly opens his mouth, almost eagerly. Jaebum finishes down his throat and Mark gulps it down, licking his face for any excess before slumping to the ground, completely satisfied. Youngjae feels so tired all of a sudden that he barely registers as Jaebum grabs a washcloth to gently clean his back, and he falls asleep just as the leader carries him to the bed.  
***

Mark dresses slowly, guilt eating away at his heart as he sees Jaebum laying their dongsaeng down. But as their leader returns he perks up, because it was really him he had done it for.  
"You did well," Jaebum says quietly, rewarding Mark with a kiss to the forehead and he keens, because he could kill and Jaebum's praise would make it worth it.  
"But you need to do better." Oh. He was so looking forward to the reward Jaebum had promised him. Was he ever going to get it?  
"Tell me what to do." He said softly, and Jaebum smirked as he pulled his pants up.  
"You'd like that, wouldn't you." He laughed without humor before continuing. "The worse you treat him, the more he'll look to me for comfort. It's simple psychology." He said, and Mark's heart sank. He didn't want to mistreat Youngjae with Jaebum. Why couldn't he be the one fucked and used and played with out of his mind? It wasn't fair. He felt his lower lip curl. Suddenly Jaebum's hand was on his arm, gripping so tight it hurt as he leaned in close.  
"Remember, Markie, if you do what I need you to, then I'll fuck you so hard you bleed, just like I know you want. Let's not forget who the real slut is here," He hissed, and Mark cried out as the other's fingernails sank deep into his arm, hating the pain but loving it because it was Jaebum. He felt his cock twitch again.  
The other released him, and Mark was left alone, watching from the bathroom doorway as Jaebum laid beside the sleeping Youngjae to stroke his hair lovingly. He swallowed the lump in his throat, ignoring the blood trickling from his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. I don't know where the story is gonna go from here yet, so feel free to leave opinions! Mostly I can't decide whether more members are gonna be on it or not. But I'll try to keep updating regularly :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is shorter but I couldn't contain anything else that I had planned or would have been too long! Hope you enjoy :) I'm always open to suggestions and ideas so feel free to comment your opinions ^-^

Youngjae couldn't stay in bed forever. He couldn't hide himself away until everyone eventually forgot about him. (It wouldn't take that long, probably, but still).   
He couldn't risk anyone finding out something was wrong. Because then they all would find out- his members, his company, his family, his fans- they would turn away from him in disgust after realizing how worthless he was, what a slut he was. He shuddered. He had no choice but to stay at the mercy of the oldest two unless he wanted the truth to come out.   
So he went to practice the following week, trying to get around the pain in his body and the confused fog in his mind enough to sing, enough to dance, enough to function.   
"Hyung!" Bambam screeched before plowing him with a hug, oblivious to the pained wince Youngjae gave.   
"I thought of the best prank to pull on Yuggie. Do you wanna hear it?"   
Playful interactions such as this all seemed so empty all of a sudden. Words passed through one ear and out the other. Youngjae's heart broke as he told Bambam no to one of his dumb ideas for what seemed like the 100th time, the younger's face falling.   
The following days passed so slow and tortuously that he didn't even understand how no one had noticed the fact that he was drowning. Couldn't they see the way his anguished eyes rested on Jaebum, how he shivered whenever Mark passed him by, how if ANYONE touched him in the slightest, most innocent way he flinched and began heaving because he was so fucking afraid they would force him to the floor? Or, what he thought the most likely but dreaded to admit to himself, what if they just didn't care? Since they didn't notice him now, wouldn't it make sense that they had never noticed him at all?   
He was suddenly aware of every harsh word from Jinyoung about how loud he was (most of it was an act by now, because he had to keep some semblance of himself visible), every teasing jab from the maknae line about his dancing skills (which had definitely taken a bad turn, due to obvious physical reasons and less obvious mental reasons) and worst of all, every flirtatious word and touch and look from Jackson. He knew the older was just being himself, knew he meant no harm, but then again...did he really know that for sure? Nothing, nobody, would ever be certain for him again.   
***

"Youngjae-ah," he stiffens at Jackson's side when he hears Mark calling him and buries himself closer to him, trying to convey the fear and dread filling him, trying to get him to sense the danger.  
All Jackson says is,  
"Didn't you hear hyung call you?"   
Youngjae is forced to look up at the oldest, and he grips Jackson's arm when he sees the wicked smirk on his face.  
Look hyung! He thinks. Get off you phone, can't you see him? Jackson gives him a weird look.  
"What is it Hyung?" Youngjae chokes out to Mark.   
The oldest just licks his lips before turning for the doorway.   
"Jaebum hyung wants you in the studio." 

Shaking, Youngjae makes his way alone across the building to their recording studio, hoping against hope that other members will be there, that hyung will only want him for musical reasons.  
He passes Yugyeom and Bambam along the way and tries to get them to come with him, his voice shaking, but they tell him that they were just there and Jaebum had told them to leave. Oh no.  
He thinks for a moment just running down the hallway and bursting out the doors into the street, not stopping till he's home with his mother, and never coming back.   
In the end he pushes open the studio door and stands looking at his hyung.   
"I missed you, honey." Jaebum says, rising to his feet slowly and undoing his belt. Youngjae trembles.  
"Please, hyung. Not t-today, I-" he chokes back a sob as Jaebum grabs him gently and licks a stripe up his neck. He's so paranoid about the door left ajar, so afraid of diseases and his poor fucking asshole and stupid but real things like dancing and taking a shit for God's sake and he can't bear this.   
"Not today. It hurts so bad." He whimpers, Jaebum cooing softly in an attempt to soothe him, hands already working at unbuttoning Youngjae's shorts.   
"But how could I resist you? Looking so wreckable like this," Hyung slips a finger under his choker necklace, the other hand palming at his crotch through the fabric.  
"Pleasseeee." Youngjae draws the word out in a gasp when hyung mouths at his nipple through his polo.   
"Wait till we get back to the dorm or something. I'm so scared." Jaebum pulls his shorts and boxers down before pulling his own cock out of his jeans.  
"Trust me. If anyone saw me fucking you, they wouldn't blame me. Everyone can see how fucking hot you look."   
He bent him over the desk and pinned his hands together behind him, trapping his arms between their bodies.   
"Now keep quiet. I want your pretty voice all to myself."   
He bit back, or tried to, every noise that rose to his throat, his hipbones digging into wood with every push of Jaebum's body into his own, the chafing of the other's jeans on his thighs only adding to his worries. Would he get a rash? It was already starting to hurt.   
Jaebum loved the sight below him, the control he had over Youngjae, how he could be weeping and begging him to stop and with just a certain aim of his cock into the pliant warm body and his boy would be falling apart and his lovely little prick would harden and-  
God those sounds. Ever since Jaebum had first heard Youngjae sing he had wondered just what those vocal chords could do for him, what noises he could wring from those pretty pink lips, how high he could make him scream. After years of planning, he was finally getting what he wanted.   
Sorry, Markie. I need a vocal, he thought.   
Youngjae came with a highpitched whine, too soon as was typical of someone as innocent as he was, correction, had been, and for the next few tortured minutes he was writhing and gasping and clenching around Jaebum, who always tried to hold on longer just for that. He relished in the post orgasm flush on Youngjae's skin, the tears in his blown eyes, the overstimulated gasps and moans falling from his mouth. It was always too much for him in the end and he came finally, letting Youngjae sink boneless to the floor, taking note of the semen trickling down his thighs.  
A thought suddenly came to him as he recovered and he realized he liked the idea of Youngjae with a buttplug up his little ass. He would have to ask Mark to get one for him since he didn't have a lot of time lately. But for now, the person standing outside the doorway was a much more pressing issue.  
"Stay right there, honey. Daddy'll be right back."  
He shut the door behind him.  
***

Yugyeom had only come back to the studio because he'd forgotten his phone. He hadn't meant to see or hear what he did. He had just innocently assumed that when he came back Youngjae and Jaebum would be working on new lyrics, or practicing that one high note Youngjae couldn't always reach. He didn't expect for the door to be ajar. He didn't expect to see Jaebum with that animalistic hunger in his eyes, his gentle "I missed you, honey," contrasting so sharply with it.  
Everyone knew how he and Bambam had a thing for each other...but this? This was news. He decided to stay just a bit longer to see how far it would go, so he could have some blackmail to tell the others later for a good laugh.   
Something wasn't right. It wouldn't take any idiot long to realize it. Youngjae was crying and begging, sounding so frightened and hopeless, Jaebum completely blind to it all, telling Youngjae how pretty he was as he bared him. Yugyeom swallowed thickly at the sight of his half naked body, cheeks flushing a dark red. He held his breath as Jaebum pulled his dick free and that's when it all registered in the youngest's mind. He really ought not to be here. He should hurry and leave before more happened, or god- shouldn't he step in and help Youngjae?  
"If anyone saw me fucking you they wouldn't blame me."   
Jaebum looked over his shoulder as he pushed in and Yugyeom's heart filled with icy terror as their eyes met.  
"Everyone can see how fucking hot you look." The leader continued to stare, his eyes trailing down to Yugyeom's hips and he smirked.   
Broken out of his daze, Yugyeom dashed down the hallway, fleeing for his very life until he reached a secluded bathroom and was safely trapped in one of the stalls. His face was so hot he didn't know what to do, and he felt so confused and guilty and sickened, because his leader was hurting their precious otter, and it was so wrong on so many levels and Yugyeom had just stood there, mesmerized as Jaebum abused his body. He felt so horrible and God, he was afraid to look down.   
He stood there, weeping, his legs pressed tightly together to try to ease the stiffness between them, cursing himself because, who the hell gets hard witnessing a rape? Involving two of his closest friends, no less? What was wrong with him? He could still hear Youngjae's little pained whimpers, sounding sensual if not for the context. He could hear the skin slapping, see Jaebum's cock disappearing into Youngjae's stretched hole. The image was burned into his mind. He buried his head in his arms, sinking to the floor and bringing his knees up to hide his shame. He continued to cry.   
He couldn't have been there long, maybe ten minutes? When he heard the door open. He held his breath, hoping against hope whoever it was would just take care of their business and leave without noticing him.  
He waited, tense, and then heard the door shut again. He released his breath, staying still just a moment more just to make sure. It was completely silent. Slowly, carefully, he unlatched the door.  
He fell back with a shocked cry as it was suddenly yanked open from the other side, revealing a flushed Jaebum.   
"Gyeomie," he began gently, reaching for the youngest, who leaned away from his so called leader's touch.   
"It wasn't what it looked like, Gyeom." He tried, and Yugyeom felt his eyes filling again.  
"You raped him, hyung." His voice rose at the accusation. "You raped Youngjae!"   
Jaebum realized that explaining wouldn't work. His expression changed so drastically it had Yugyeom reeling even before the leader hoisted him to his feet and pressed him to the side of the stall.   
"And you're just as bad. Youngjae needed help and what did you do?" His hot breath fanned over Yugyeom's neck, the height difference not deterring him from what he wanted to do.   
"Why didn't you stop me, then, huh? Oh right. It's because you were too busy getting off on it. What kind of disgusting pervert are you?"   
All Yugyeom could choke out was,  
"Did not get off to it." And Jaebum was laughing.  
"Oh you didn't? Does that mean-" He reached down and pressed his hand firmly into the younger's crotch, who cried out.  
"What are you doing?"   
Jaebum massaged the area roughly, slowly bringing Yugyeom back to full hardness.  
"So which is it? You want me to fuck you brainless too? Or-" he grabbed him roughly by the shirt and dragged him to the door till they were looking down the hallway.  
"He's still sitting there. Naked, crying, with my jizz leaking out of his hole. You want to give him a go? I bet you'd both like that."   
Yugyeom shoved him hard, Jaebum stumbling back a few steps.   
"What the hell is wrong with you?! You're horrible! I would never hurt Youngjae!" His voice shook but he was proud of himself anyway, glad to see he could still function.   
"But you did." Jaebum says maliciously, closing the door again behind them.   
"You stood and watched me take his clothes off. Heard him beg me to stop. Got fucking hard as I forced him over the desk and ripped his little hole open. And then, awww. You missed the best part. Want me to tell you about it?"  
He suddenly plunged his hand down the front of Yugyeom's jeans and boxers, fingers closing around his hard cock as he gasped. This couldn't be happening right now. He wanted it to stop, tried to cover his ears but Jaebum was grabbing his hand and holding it. Yugyeom could probably take him in a fight- but not at the moment. Not when he was shaking with shame and- he swallowed the lump in his throat- pleasure.   
"You're young still, so you probably don't understand everything about sex. Well, Gyeomie, it doesn't matter if he wanted it or not. Because as soon as my dick hits this little spot deep inside his body, suddenly he doesn't care about how much it hurts because it feels really good now, and he moans and arches his back and wiggles down on my cock like a little bitch in heat. Someday when you're not as much of a pussy as you are now, you'll want to do it to someone. Bammie, maybe. You'll look at him and see his wide, pretty eyes, those full lips, that perky little ass- and you'll want him pinned underneath you, screaming. If you're a real man it won't matter if he wants it in the beginning or not, because if you know how to do it right, he'll be begging you to fuck him open in the end."   
Yugyeom was beyond horrified at the words. Who was this man? Surely it wasn't the same person as his leader.   
"Yugyeomie, there is nothing better that you will ever experience than feeling that tight heat on your cock. And you won't understand what I mean until it happens. But for now, I saved you something of what happened after you ran away."  
With the hand that wasn't groping between the younger's crotch, Jaebum pulled his phone from his pocket and clicked the video that was paused.   
Yugyeom could only sob and listen in horror to the moans emitted from the cellphone, Youngjae's beautiful voice recognizable even though noises were coming from him that Yugyeom would have never imagined. He could distinguish a change about halfway through, the gradual change from pain to pleasure so undeniable and yet- he noticed something Jaebum must have missed. Even though pretty moans of overwhelmed bliss fell repeatedly from the boy's lips, Yugyeom could still sense the undertones of hurt throughout them. The feelings behind them made the sounds truly discordant, like when one of them was slightly off key during a harmony.   
It had Yugyeom's heart breaking for their cute vocalist. He had to do something- but how could he? He was filthy, he had let it happen. What if Jaebum told Youngjae? He would never look at Yugyeom the same way. And what if Bambam learned of it? He shuddered. God he felt so helpless.   
The video ended with the sound of Youngjae obviously coming, a high pitched whine of Jaebum's name and it sounded so disturbingly sensual, so much so that without context, it could've come straight from a porn.   
"Hot, isn't it? He wanted it, didn't he?" Jaebum asked, jerking Yugyeom off steadily and quickly, pocketing his phone to grip the other's hair.  
Only his body, Yugyeom thought. Not his mind, or his heart. His soul.   
"Just like you want it." Jaebum finished with a yank of the black locks, a soft whimper escaping Yugyeom's lips as he came in his jeans like a teenager.  
"There's a good boy." Jaebum wiped the cum on Yugyeom's thigh before pulling his hand free, giving him a pat on the head and a kiss on the forehead.  
"Now. You're not gonna tell anyone, are you Gyeomie?" It was a rhetorical question, and the leader left the bathroom with out waiting for an answer.  
Yugyeom sank to the floor and wept.   
***  
It was quiet through out the dorm. Jaebum sat with his feet hanging off the side of the bed, watching Mark as he slept. Youngjae had asked Jackson to trade rooms with him so he wouldn't have to share with Jaebum, though his boy had given some half assed excuse like, "I always have to pee and your room is closer to the bathroom". Jackson hadn't been willing to give up his own room so Mark had stepped in, Youngjae faking a grateful smile. Jaebum didn't know how he felt about it. On one side Mark would probably be trying to get him to sleep with him every night, but on the other hand, at least now they could converse more easily.   
He had still been hoping against hope that Youngjae wouldn't switch.   
To be completely honest, his plan had backfired just a little bit. He knew Youngjae loved him- hell, he had admitted it. So then... Why was he so upset? Wouldbt you want the person you loved to fuck you? Youngjae was obviously just confused, probably ashamed of his feelings for Jaebum so he thought he didn't like what had happened, what was happening. It didn't matter much either way. His precious baby otter would come around either way, and soon he's be begging for it, without the drug they had used two days previous. He would get Youngjae and everything that made him who he was- all to himself- to have, to keep, to cherish. Youngjae was too young and naive to realize it yet, (or maybe he did but was in denial) but he needed Jaebum. He needed his protection, his guidance, his love. He couldn't make so many decisions on his own- there were bad people in the world who would seek to take advantage of him. Jaebum was only doing what was best for the innocent baby boy.   
He smiled in the dark as he thought about their future together- one where Youngjae would smile at him like he had before, only this time, with the full acceptance and appreciation of the fact that he belonged to Jaebum.   
Mark stirred in his sleep, waking with a soft yawn and looking up, the whites of his eyes glowing in the dark.   
"Jaebum-ah," he cooed, his sleep filled voice full of affection. "What are you doing still up? We have practice tomorrow." Jaebum moved to sit by the older, running fingers through his red hair.   
"Mm. Just thinking about our plan." He said. Mark gave a little pouty whimper.  
"I don't want to have to do it." He said. "I feel bad about it already." Jaebum gave him a soft laugh. He couldn't wait for what was going to happen in just two days.   
"I know, but its the best thing I can come up with. Don't you wait me to be happy?" It was his turn to pout. Mark sighed and nodded.  
"I'll do it for you, I guess. But don't expect me to keep doing it if it doesn't work the first time." He laughed softly. Jaebum wouldn't be making any promises. He said,  
"It will all be over soon and you won't have to be mean to Jae anymore." Mark snuggled under his covers and gave a cute yawn.  
"That's good. I can't stand to hurt him." Jaebum did the only thing he knew kept Mark going.  
"I know, and you're precious for it. Just a little while longer and you can go back to being your angelic self, mkay? Now go back to sleep." He planted a soft kiss to Mark's lips, who squeaked contentedly before closing his eyes again.  
Jaebum returned to his own bed and laid down, folding his hands underneath his head and staring up at the ceiling.  
Yes. In just two short days Youngjae would be crawling to him, just like he was made to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer than the others! I had to think about the direction the story was taking before I could write it! Also WTF for some reason all this time I thought Jackson was the middle child but really Jinyoung is the middle...mother??? Like I feel like such a bad fan lol I don't know how I missed that for so long. Anywya hope you enjoy this! Don't forget to leave comments :)

Mark braced himself. He took deep, calming breaths, splashed cold water on his face, wiped sweating palms on jeans. Today was the day. Now was the time.   
Jaebum had insisted it would work. And Mark couldn't disagree with him, for risk of not getting what he himself needed.  
He stepped into the practice room, switching off the lights before shutting the door. Youngjae gave a surprised, frightened squeak. All was going according to plan. They were alone, there was only the slimmest chance of being caught. Jaebum had been careful about that.   
"Who is it?" The younger said fearfully as Mark approached him.  
"It's me, Jae. I think it's time we had some fun. Don't you?" Mark's heart was beating wildly, and his hands shook. He didn't know if he could do this. It was against his nature.   
"Please hyung." Youngjae sounded like a wounded animal, so hurt and tired, broken. Oh god. Sweat broke on the older's forehead. He thought he might throw up.   
He found Youngjae in the black and pulled him to himself. The whites of his large, liquid eyes were shining, so sad and bright. Was Jaebum human? He loved him so, but...   
"Youngjae..." He felt an apology rising to his lips and he swallowed it down.   
"I'm tired, hyung." Youngjae sighed. Every fiber in Mark's body urged him to take the boy in loving arms, stroke his hair, make it better. It wasn't fair. 

Why couldn't Jaebum just love him? Anger filled him. He was as perfect as Youngjae. He was as cute. He was better looking! His hands curled into fists. Fucking Youngjae. Maybe if he wasn't so cute and perfect, he might have a chance. Maybe if he...  
Jaebum had told him not to make it visible. But what if he did, "on accident" and Jaebum would think Youngjae was ugly? Surely, red marks and horrendous bruises all over his neck would make him undesirable.   
He swallowed.   
Using his anger was the only thing he could do to make himself lift a finger. Because he loved Youngjae, he really did. This broke his heart. But he needed Jaebum.  
He grabbed Youngjae by the collar suddenly, before he could think anymore. Rage towards their leader for not choosing him, towards Youngjae for being chosen, towards himself for not being adequate- it all blended into fuel for the fire in his heart. The blood pounding in his ears made it impossible for him to hear the shocked cry from Youngjae's mouth, the choked off plea as he closed thin hands around the other's throat. Jaebum would love him after this. He had to.   
He squeezed and squeezed, tears falling from his eyes, fear and guilt causing every hair on his body to stand on end, and he didn't even realize it but he was whispering.  
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."   
Youngjae struggled at first, kicking, hitting, trying to scream but failing. Mark slammed him against the mirror, strangled gasps reaching his ears through the red haze and breaking his heart. As they began to grow softer, he dropped the younger in terror. Immediately he was awoken, and, disgusted with himself but triumphant despite that, he dashed from the room. He didn't stop for anything, blindly stumbling down hallways, eyes filmed over with the shame of what he'd done.   
He collided so suddenly with a body that he fell to the floor, looking up in shock as an apologizing Jinyoung picked him up.  
"Jeez, sorry, but where were you goi- hey, what's the matter?" The deeply concerned expression on the other's face had Mark faltering. They watched each other for a silent moment before Jinyoung's expression softened.  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But you do know I'm always here if you need me, right?" He smiled before pulling Mark into a hug. God, it felt so nice. He bet Youngjae needed it more than him, and the thought had him pulling away sooner than he liked.   
"I know. Thanks." He faked a smile and pushed past, walking swiftly down the corridor, glancing back to see the younger still standing there, looking after him with an unreadable look in his eyes. He wished he could tell him, was tempted to run back to him and spill his secrets. But no. Jaebum would never forgive him- and Jinyoung wouldn't either, for that matter.   
He wiped his eyes before dialing the only number he ever did these days.  
"It's done. I did it." He choked. Just like Jae had.   
"Good boy." Jaebum said on the other end, but Mark's heart sank as he hung up. He didn't feel like one.   
He reached the dorm, and he knew he shouldn't, but he felt himself drawn to old temptations.  
"Jacks," He said gently as he reached the other's bedroom door. The younger was curled up in bed, reading a manga, but as soon as he saw Mark's tear stained face he was leaping up and asking what was wrong.  
"It's nothing, I-I just- Jackson. I know this isn't right for me to ask, especially after what happened, but please... Can I spend the night with you?"  
There had been a time he was Jackson's weakness. He had kind of ruined that but maybe he could take advantage of the boy's good heart one more time.   
Jackson frowned a little, confusion flashing across his eyes for a split second before he was warily standing aside to let Mark into the room. He couldn't afford to get hurt again, and Mark understood that.   
"Just to be clear, clarify what you mean by "staying the night."" Jacks curled up again under his blankets, Mark taking the chair by his desk and sighing. There had been so many times he had crawled into the bed with the younger, to be undressed, to undress. They had kissed and kissed and whispered and fucked countless times. It had meant two different things to them, so they had stopped.   
"I'm not gonna ask you to fuck me, if that's what you mean." He said with a snort. A pang of hurt came into Jackson's eyes. After all this time he must still have feelings, or at least the remnants of them  
Oh well. Mark loved who he loved. Jackson couldn't help him.   
"Alright. Didn't think so." He forced a smile and settled in, giving Mark a look.  
With another sigh, Mark got up and slipped between the sheets beside him. They didn't touch, they didn't even face one another.   
"You asked me this time so you can't blame me if you catch feelings." He said bluntly, grateful that he couldn't see Jackson's reactions to his hurtful words.  
"Oh don't worry. I got them the first time, they went away, and now they'll never be back." His voice was cold but his breath was hot on Mark's neck. He felt a little hurt, which was absurd; what they had neither of them wanted again and he certainly would never like Jackson in that way. He just liked the idea of being loved, he supposed.   
***  
"Honey," Jaebum entered the dark practice room, the tiny choked sob emitting from the corner enough for him to switch the light on and run to the boy.   
Youngjae sat with his head propped on the mirror, tear streaks staining his face and his eyes and lips swollen from crying. His hair hung low, covering part of his face. He looked so disheveled.  
As Jaebum drew near he cowered, curling in on himself and shivering, almost like he was trying to shrink into the wall. His hoodie swallowed him up, completely covering his neck.   
"Ease," He croaked, once, twice, three times and Jaebum realized that he was trying to say please, but couldn't.   
"Pl-l-l-" He tried a fourth time and failed, new tears flowing from his eyes as he sank completely to the ground in defeat.  
Jaebum sat beside him and pulled him into his lap, the other shuddering and trying to get away but the older tightened his arms around the poor boy.  
"Hey, hey, hey." He soothed, petting his hair and rubbing his back. "I'm not gonna hurt you, I've got you."   
Youngjae relaxed a little at the calming words, just like Jaebum knew he would. Even though he felt sorry for his baby's throat and angry towards Mark for carrying through his wishes (ironic, right?) he also felt a sense of elation because the plan was coming along so nicely!   
"Hyu-" The word ended with a strangled groan and Youngjae clutched Jaebum's t shirt, looking up at him with the most broken, fear filled eyes.  
"-y sn-ing-" Jaebum could barely make out a coherent word. "M- sn-ing -oice." My singing voice. His singing voice.  
Jaebum had considered it of course. He trusted Mark enough to know that he wouldn't permanently damage their vocal's voice. It would be gone in a few short days, just like a sore throat.   
"Jae, honey." He cupped his face and Youngjae shut his eyes to let more tears slip down his full cheeks.  
"Hey! Look at me, baby." The boy slowly opened them again and looked at Jaebum, his teeth worrying his red lower lip. It might have been a little cruel and twisted for Jaebum's usual taste, but the younger looked so fuckable right now.   
"Your voice will be fine, mkay?" Youngjae sniffed loudly, swallowing thickly and Jaebum pulled a tissue from his pocket to give to him. He hugged him closer until the younger had his head resting on the leader's strong shoulder, like a baby.   
"You'll be ok, sweet heart. You'll be just fine, good as new, and your voice will be just as beautiful as always. Trust me, honey. Don't be scared." He pulled down the other's sweatshirt hood gently to look at the injured area; still pink fingerprints were visible, though they were beginning to discolor. Damn Mark. He wasn't supposed to leave bruises.   
"Hurts," Youngjae croaked. Jaebum didn't hesitate to kiss his plush lips once before cradling him.   
"I know baby. You'll be ok. I've got you." 

Was it really Youngjae's fault that he derived comfort from the other's words and warmth? Was that wrong of him? There was nothing he could do to help the fact that no matter what happened, Jaebum would still be the only person able to give him the reassurance he needed. It didn't matter. He was his comforter and his destroyer.   
"Why?" He was doing better already, managing the word clearly enough to understand.   
Jaebum just gave him another kiss, this time to the forehead, before stirring, getting to his feet and lifting Youngjae into his arms.  
He carried him from the room and out the doors.   
"Let's go home." He said quietly. Youngjae closed his eyes and pretended the warmth of the other's body was like it had always been.   
***  
"Hey Gyeom," Bambam entered their shared room with a soft smile, unaware of the state the younger was in.   
Yugyeom answered with a soft, "hey," closing his eyes immediately.   
He must be tired, Bam thought with a pout. He didn't want him to be!  
They had been experimenting recently. A hand job here, some porn watching together there. Never the whole way but enough to sate them for a night. It had been a while and Bambam secretly thought that he could take getting fucked, even by his Yugyeomie's big dick. But the sweetheart always insisted that it was too soon, that he needed to research more to insure that they were safe and Bambam wouldn't get hurt.   
Even though he appreciated it, he admitted he was getting a little restless. But still. He would wait patiently.   
For now though...   
He climbed on top of the other with a mischievous smile, planting kisses all over the other's face. He felt Yugyeom shudder under him, yes! It must be arousal. Maybe he'd get to suck Gyeommie off. He loved to make him happy.   
"What are you doing?" Yugyeom asked, opening his eyes to peer irritably up at the other, whose kisses didn't falter.  
"Wanna suck you," He gasped before moving to lick at the youngest's neck.   
Yugyeom, however, sat up, causing Bam to almost fall backward.  
"Aww, come on!" He asked. "If I'm bad at it I'll only get better by practice." He pouted, watching the younger sigh and rub his face.  
"You're very good at it Bam. I'm just not- I'm tired, ok? Maybe another night."   
Bambam gave up, hugging Yugyeom before moving to his own bed. He fought back tears, even though it was stupid. Gyeom had said he was sleepy, that's all. It was understandable with their schedules. Still. Bambam couldn't shake the feeling that Yugyeom just maybe didn't care for him like that. That he maybe didn't turn him on, that he wasn't good enough. Silly, he knew. But he couldn't help it.   
He covered his face with his pillow and wept silently.  
Little did he know that across the room Yugyeom was doing the same.   
***  
"What's wrong with everyone?" Jinyoung said, sensing his best friend's presence even though there was dead silence in the living room of the dorm. Jaebum sat beside him.  
"What do you mean?" He asked. Jinyoung laughed.  
"You can't say you don't notice it. Yugyeom isn't making any noise, Youngjae isn't either, they both look heartbroken. Mark ran into me today, crying his eyes out and looking like he'd just murdered someone on accident. And then, to top it off, I saw him go into Jackson's room."   
There was a silence.  
"So?" Jaebummie said dumbly.  
"Yah!" Jinyoung hit his shoulder.  
"That hasn't happened in months, I thought they worked that out, you know what it did to Jacks... And poor Bammie. Everyone ignoring him all the time. What's gotten into everyone lately? What's gotten into you? You never come talk to me any more. You'd think I wasn't your best friend and couldn't tell if something was wrong." He laughed humourlessly.   
"I'm fine, just a little tired. I think everyone is. As for Youngjae, I don't know what his problem is but he is sick. Didn't you notice? He's got a horrible sore throat, can't hardly talk. And you call yourself a good mother!" He teased.  
Jinyoung was honestly shocked by the news.   
"Are you kidding? No wonder he's been so quiet! Poor baby, why didn't he tell me? All this time pretending like he was fine! What a sweetheart he is." He giggled. "Oh, don't give me that look. We all know you're whipped."   
Jaebum didn't laugh and they sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying each others company like old times.  
Jinyoung loved these precious moments alone with their leader, his leader, in the dark of night when the rest were sleeping. It brought him back to days when it was just them, when the dorm hadn't been filled with noisy laughter (as much as he loved the smiles on all their faces) and messes to clean up. When they could talk about anything and everything and make plans and tell secrets and didn't have a care in the world. He loved being a part of Got7 and would give up the world for them. But still, there was nothing like just sitting beside Jaebum like this.   
"Remember when you had a crush on me?" He laughed, finally gauging a response from Jaebum.  
"Umm, I'm pretty sure you were the one who liked me." The other argued, fighting back a smile.  
They had both liked each at one point, at different times, but neither would ever think about the other like that ever again. They were purely brothers, and it was perfect that way, no matter how fun it was to bring up old feelings.   
It helped ease Jinyoung's worry a little bit. He was a little surprised Jaebum had brushed off his concerns like that and he knew good and well there was more to the story than just "being tired." Tired didn't explain Youngjae's sorrow filled heart and fake laughter, didn't explain Yugyeom's furtive glances and withdrawn habits recently. Didn't explain how utterly broken precious, pretty Mark had been earlier. His heart hurt for them.   
Especially Mark. He didn't know why, but seeing him like that stirred in him a feeling he had suppressed for ages. He wasn't sure what it was, only the fact that it was what reminded him of the time he wanted Jaebum for his own.  
He sighed and patted Jaebum on the shoulder, telling him good night and deciding to save his grilling for the real issue for another night like this. He would figure out why everyone was so disheartened lately. He would ask them and he would get answers like only the best "mother" could. He would fix the family and make everyone better. He would give Youngjae some damn cough medicine.   
He paused outside the maknaes' room, shaking his head at what sounded like whispering. Then he passed by Jackson's room and sighed.  
He could hear something he had hoped to never hear again: the bed hitting the wall. Every other second. He knew what was going on. A twinge of worry for Jackson's poor heart filled him, but even more an anger, a jealousy. Towards the both of them. Shame on them! He didn't know why it affected him so much, and he blamed it on his instincts to protect and care for them all and make sure they were happy.  
He moved away, not wanting to hear any other noises from them, finally reaching the room he now shared with Youngjae.  
"Hey, you still awake?"   
He got no response and he laughed softly, affectionately to himself. Youngjae was such an angel, hiding his sickness so he wouldn't be a trouble. Poor baby! Jinyoung made his final rounds on his boys by moving beside the sunshine's bed and smoothing down his hair to plant a kiss to his forehead. He would find out everything tomorrow morning. He couldn't bear to wake him up, especially if the boy was having trouble speaking.  
As he moved away, something dark caught the corner of his eye, and he bent over Youngjae again, squinting in the black. Was that-??? No, it couldn't be. Someone would have noticed. There couldn't possibly be a bruise on the baby's neck.  
He shook his head and settled into his own bed, staring at the ceiling for a few minutes before sighing and getting back up, this time with the light of his phone on.   
He pressed a hand to his mouth to suppress the horrified gasp. Fingerprints. There were fucking fingerprints on their otter's neck. What the fuck?   
He stood there for a moment, heart pounding, trying to get his thoughts in order.   
Youngjae, as far as he knew, was not sexually active. And even if he had been, he probably wouldn't be on the kinky side like that. And THEN, even if he was, and even if he was gay, there was no way a sex partner would choke him like that. There was just no way that it would've been a consensual experience, if sexual at all, for those marks to be what they were.   
Youngjae stirred awake from the light shining on him, and as soon as he was in full consciousness he jolted, a look of fear and, oddly enough, heart break in his pretty eyes.   
Oh my god, Jinyoung thought.   
"Hyung, w-what are you doing?" Youngjae asked, somewhat more calm than he'd been before he realized it was Jinyoung. The older clenched his fists at the sound of Youngjae's voice, hoarse and barely recognizable. He would kill whoever did this.   
"Nothing honey." He noticed Youngjae flinched at that word. Why? "I just left my charger somewhere so I was looking for it. Sorry I woke you up."   
Words couldn't describe the distress Jinyoung felt as he made his way back to his bed. He needed to find out what was going on and he needed to stop it. If Youngjae was being abused, then it was possible Yugyeom and Mark were too. Hell, even Jaebum. He had tried to evade Jinyoung's questions and had played dumb about Youngjae even though those marks were so fucking obvious it'd be impossible not to see them.  
Worry clutched so tightly at his heart he couldn't breathe. He would find whoever was hurting his boys. It didn't matter if it cost him his career, it wouldn't matter if it cost him his life. He would find this motherfucker, (or all of them if, god forbid, there was more than one) and he would do whatever it took to bring them down. No one, he bit his lip to keep tears of anger at bay, his fingernails digging into his palms, NO. ONE. Hurt HIS boys. Oh, they would have hell to pay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Jaebum is my bias I feel like I need to make up for this somehow. I think after I'm done I'll do a one shot series on how well he treats the members and what an amazing leader (daddy. What?) he is. Would you guys read that? :) 
> 
> Anyway here you go heathens. Blame my daddy issues.

Jaebum was there when Youngjae awoke the next morning. Jinyoung was no where in sight, his bed made like usual; he was probably cooking breakfast or trying to get the maknaes up.  
"Honey, how are you feeling?" Jaebum moved from his perch on the edge of the bed to Youngjae's side, wrapping a warm arm around the sleepy boy, who was too tired to flinch. Jaebum began pressing slow, sweet kisses along the column of his neck.  
"Can you talk any better, sweetheart?" Youngjae was weak for gentle words. Was he going crazy for loving Jaebum's whispered tone even now?   
"Come on, let's try, mkay? Say good morning to your hyung." Jaebum urged.   
"Morning, hyung." It was still a little scratchy, and he might have trouble singing. But compared to the night before it was no worse than a simple cold.  
"There, you're doing so great!" He wasn't. He was definitely not doing great. Mark had almost killed him. Why? What had he done to deserve this?   
"Hyung!" He felt tears well up. What if Mark tried again? Who would protect him? He couldn't trust any of them anymore, no matter how much he wanted to. If sweet and gentle Markie could wrap his hands around Youngjae's throat with a snarl on his pretty face and squeeze, what evil was the rest of the world hiding behind nice smiles?  
"What's the matter? It's ok, Jae. Hyung's got you."   
Warm strong arms were enveloping him in a sweet embrace and he felt better despite himself.  
" 'M scared hyungie." He mumbled into Jaebum's shoulder. "What if Mark tries again?" His voice cracked. He was too distraught to feel Jaebum smiling against his hair.  
"I won't let him near enough to try. I'm sorry he hurt you, sweet heart."   
There was a silence, both knowing what the other was thinking but not wanting to start the conversation again.  
Finally Youngjae took a feel breath.  
"Why did he do it, hyung?" Jaebum's face instantly changed, going from soothing to uncomfortable, and Youngjae grabbed him before he could leave.  
"I've been good for you. I at least deserve to know this."   
Jaebum settled back down, sighing and pulling Youngjae to straddle him.   
"Envy." He starts, and the younger gives him a quizzical look. He continues.  
"He's in love with me." Oh. Youngjae nodded. That explained a lot.  
"He hates you because no matter what, he knows I'll always pick you first."  
Youngjae felt a twinge of guilt, even though he knew it wasn't his fault. He could understand where Mark was coming from now, at least.  
But it changed nothing. Youngjae loved Jaebum too, but if he had chosen Mark he definitely would not have gone the same path the oldest had. Drugging and helping fuck him? Strangling him? What the hell?   
"You know I love you, right? I love you more than anything in this world and I'm gonna give you everything. Just tell me what you want and Hyung will provide."   
The sweet words made him so confused. Was Jaebum just mislead about love and how you went about expressing it? Youngjae could remember a time when the older had struggled to control his anger caused by the younger boys. Was it just coming back in a different way? Maybe Youngjae could do something about it. He needed time to think.  
"Hyung?" He asked tentatively. Jaebum nodded, his cat like eyes closing as he leaned back, comfortable.   
"I wish you wouldn't fuck me." He finished quietly.   
He expected a tantrum. What he got threw him off.  
Jaebum buried his face suddenly in his hands, his body wracked in uncontrollable sobs, and all Youngjae could do was sit, shocked, and watch.  
"I'm sorry," he choked. "I'm so sorry, Jae. I just- I love you so much. I know I'm fucked up, but I just- I was never taught how to do this right and God, please forgive me. Tell me you will, please. I don't know what I'd do without you."   
Youngjae felt just a little guilty. He recalled Jaebum revealing stories of his troubled childhood with loveless parents and he understood how it had affected the boy now.  
"I-it's ok, Bummie hyung. I forgive you, don't cry." Jaebum looked up, eyes glistening.  
"Are you sure?" He asked, his breaths coming out in short hiccups.  
"Yes hyung." Youngjae gave him a little, unsure pat on his arm and Jaebum buried his head in his neck.   
"Thank you, honey. I love you." He murmured, his tears drying fast.  
"Love you too." Youngjae heard himself saying.  
Jaebum kissed his hair and they fell together, lying on Youngjae's bed, the said boy confused and still hurt and afraid but just a little bit comforted and hopeful. Jaebum had apologized and wouldn't hurt him again and Mark... Well he didn't know about Mark but he would figure something out. Now all he had to do was cover up the bruises.   
"Hyung, do you have concealer?"   
A few moments later Jaebum crept back into the room with a bottle of Bambam's make up. Youngjae sat up and tilted his head up and Jaebum gently dabbed the cream over the purple skin until it looked good as new.  
They got up for breakfast, Youngjae sliding his slippers on and Jaebum disappearing to put the concealer back where it belonged.   
As Youngjae opened the door, he almost ran smack into Jinyoung, who was so close to the door it made a chill run down Youngjae's spine.  
"Morning, Jae. I made breakfast." The older was staring at his throat and it made Youngjae's skin crawl. Act natural act natural act natural act natural.....  
"Morning hyung. You look nice." He mustered his brightest smile before Jinyoung finally smiled back and turned back down the hallway. Youngjae let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding before dashing to the bathroom to check on himself. The bruises were completely covered and the makeup perfectly blended.  
He must've just been a little paranoid.   
***

Jinyoung clenched his fists. There was no way he had imagined those marks. Youngjae had straight up smiled at him after having been strangled. He must have put on make up. And Jaebum had just been with him and not noticed. What the hell was going on?   
All throughout practice he could see the fallen faces on all his team members. Not one of them had a smile on their face even once during the day.  
He tried taking Jaebum aside to talk about it but the older again insisted that they were just tired or homesick or whatever. Jinyoung didn't buy it, and the only reason he didn't think Jaebum was telling the truth was because his expression too, was sullen and dejected.  
Jinyoung needed to know what was going on and he needed to know now. Where did he start?   
As soon as night fell, he crept into the maknae's room. Yugyeom was in the shower so he would be able to get Bambam alone for a talk.   
To his surprise, Jackson was in the room as well, sitting next to Bam on his bed. They halted their conversation, cheeks aflame, as soon as he opened the door.   
"Jinyoung hyung," Bam blurted and at the same time Jackson stuttered,   
"Well, night, Mookie." He rose to his feet and was pushing past Jinyoung in a second, slamming the door behind him.  
Jinyoung chose to ignore the questions rising in him about what that was all about and instead focused on his plan.  
"Hey, can we talk? Sorry if I interrupted." Bambam patted the spot beside him with a shake of his head.  
"You're fine hyung. What's up?"  
There was something unreadable in his eyes, and Jinyoung couldn't quite put a finger on it. He took a deep breath.  
"I just wanted to know how you've been. You've seemed a little sad recently and I just wanted to check up on you."   
The youngest's lower lip instantly wobbled, and he opened his mouth to speak before closing it again.   
"You can tell me anything and you know I won't judge. Did you and Gyeommie fight?" At that Bambam suddenly burst into tears, ugly sobbing onto Jinyoung's shoulder as the older jumped to hug him.  
The two youngest often got in little skirmishes, but this was the first time Kunpimook had been genuinely sad. He looked so heartbroken.   
"Its ok. Tell hyung what happened." The older soothed, stroking Bambam's bleached hair.  
"He h-hates me!" Jinyoung raised an eyebrow above the boy's head. After all the giggling and touching and the stench of sex and everything else coming from their room- he really doubted it.  
"Why do you say that?" He asked gently.   
The younger calmed down enough to dry his tears, sniffling loudly before continuing, his eyes on the floor.  
"I thought he really liked me, I mean he said he loved me and that he was my boyfriend. But..."   
Jinyoung loved Yugyeom, he really did, but if the younger had done something to one of his other precious babies-- he would smack him down without hesitation.  
"But what Bam? What did he do?"  
He felt his fists clenching when the younger hesitated.  
"It's more what- he didn't do. Won't do." He gave a short, humorless laugh. Jinyoung was confused so he kept silence and waited for the other to elaborate.   
"He won't have sex with me." He blurted and Jinyoung was shocked. He could literally smell what had been going down in this room. There was no way...  
"He won't fuck me. At first we were jerking each other off and shit and it was grand. All of a sudden though he just won't touch me, won't even look at me. I've asked him several times if we could go all the way but he always shudders like I'm a fucking disease or something. And don't even say he's young and not ready or whatever- because he keeps saying that he wouldn't mind even if I asked him if that was the reason. But then he can't come up with a proper excuse as to why not. I think- I think he regrets having a relationship with me. I think he thinks I'm too ugly."   
Your crying face doesn't help that, Jinyoung would've said any other time. But this was serious.  
"He doesn't think you're ugly, Bam. He's smitten with you! Whenever you're not looking, every one else can see the way he stares, like you're the most precious thing on the entire earth. He's in love."   
Bambam blushed a little bit before shaking his head.  
"Then why? He kept on using the excuse that he wanted to keep me safe or some shit, but safety wasn't on his mind all the times he shoved his dick down my throat til I almost passed out." Jinyoung winced at the crude words. Bless Bambam.   
"But it's gotten worse. I swear he's avoiding me and I have no idea why. I just-" He choked on a sob.  
"I love him so much and I know I'm not good enough for him and I just know that now he's starting to realize it too."   
Jinyoung could only hug the boy again, pitying the negative lies obviously filling the younger's head. He didn't know what he could do to convince Bam just how much Gyeommie loved him.  
But... Why wouldn't he go all the way?   
"Don't lie to yourself, alright? I'm gonna make you a deal. You keep telling yourself that Gyeom loves you and start showing me that dorky annoying ass smile of yours and I'll talk to Yugyeom and see what's up, mkay?"   
Bambam nodded feebly, looking a little bit better.  
Jinyoung got up and wished him good night before making his way out of the room.  
He saw a figure dart down the hallway and paused, ready to fight any nosy brat eavesdropping. In the end all was silent and he sighed, giving up and heading to his shared bedroom.   
***  
Jackson sat alone, eyes glued to his computer screen, hand tight around his cock. The video he'd found was very low quality and the acting was awful, but it was the only thing so far that he'd found with his pathetic search: "buff guys bottoming." Shame crept up his face in the form of a blush at the idea of someone catching him watching this. He could already hear the jeers from his bandmates and it made him look up to check if the door was locked.   
He'd fucked Mark last night. Good and hard. Everyone thought he was some sensitive little kid who couldn't handle sex with someone they'd liked- and maybe that was the case. Maybe he would've been a lot more wounded if the sex had done anything for him like it used to a year ago. But he just hadn't felt it. He could remember clearly, balls deep in the older boy just like old times, wondering why it didn't feel all that great, when the thought came to him: what would it be like to bottom? He'd shook his head and fucked Mark through their weak orgasms before collapsing, the slender form of the other's chest rising and falling to signify that he was asleep. And Jackson thought long and hard.   
A delicious shiver ran down his spine more than once at the idea of being told what to do, pushed around, dominated-   
And then he felt disgusted with himself, thinking of cute asses and whimpering boys before he dropped off.  
Now his curiosity got the better of him. It was still a little weird, the idea something to get used to, and that paired with the cringe of the video explained why he was struggling to get hard. He was sleepy, too. He would try again tomorrow, or the next time they had a proper day off.   
He tucked his dick back into his shorts before laying back on the pillows, closing his eyes and thinking of their new song to keep his mind away from sex for one night. He needed sleep.

The tab on his computer was open for anyone to see.  
***  
Mark tensed as Jaebum entered their room. The younger had been giving him death glares all day and he suspected he knew why. He instinctively scooted as close to the wall, and as far away from the other, as he could. For a second Jinyoung entered his mind and he didn't know why-   
But then Jaebum was shutting and locking the door, commanding all of the eldest's attention.   
Neither spoke as Jaebum stripped to his boxers, Mark biting his lip at the sight in spite of the fear in his gut.   
Jaebum turned to the closet, his back to Mark, and he began to search for something unknown to the older.  
"So fucking thirsty you'll choke someone half to death."   
The words cut straight through Mark's soul, a deep pain filling his heart so harshly he clutched his chest. He wished that would be the end of it.  
But of course, Jaebum was never done.   
"Told you not to mark him and what do you do- you fucking bruise his whole fucking neck." With each curse he slammed his fist against the door frame of their walk in.   
Mark's heart began to pound.  
Jaebum visibly shook before seemingly calming down out of the blue, his tone changing from enraged to amicable.  
"But, you were a good boy and did what I said. So I guess you deserve that reward you've been wanting so badly, hmm?"   
He turned to face Mark, holding one of his belts, which must have been the object he'd been searching for.  
"Don't be shy, Mark. Take off your clothes." He snapped the belt. 

Mark had a sickening twist in his gut telling him to flee, and he knew on instinct that this was not going to go the way he wanted.  
But what could he do? Any attempt to save himself and he would also expose himself.  
With trembling fingers, he began to lift the hem of his t shirt up, pale bone thin skin being revealed. Jaebum's bored gaze sent gooseflesh up his spine but he forced himself to look away and continued.  
Once, twice, three times he tried to untie the string on his pajama pants and each time his shaking fingers wouldn't let him. He finally managed to pull them down and then he was staring up at Jaebum expectantly.  
"And your boxers." The younger said coldly, his eyes a dark void, completely empty of any emotion. This was going so horribly wrong.   
He pulled his underwear off and let them drop, sitting on the bed before the man he... Loved.   
"You've gotten thinner." Jaebum said. Tears pricked the older's eyes. His weight loss had been an issue he struggled with so much. How could he say something like that? How could he?   
"Jaebum-ah," He started, choking around the lump in his throat.   
"Don't fucking talk to me. I'm going to fuck you and if I hear one word out of your filthy cock sucking mouth I swear to god you'll wish you couldn't talk."   
Was it a nightmare? Was Jaebum his insecurities come from under the bed to taunt him? Was the man a demon? What had happened? Mark pressed a hand over his mouth to suppress the horrified sob threatening to escape.   
Please, let this be a dream, he thought.   
Jaebum walked slowly over to the bed, Mark becoming pliant in his hands despite the situation and allowing himself to be turned over on his hands and knees.   
Their leader pinned his wrists together and then strapped them to the bottom of the headboard with the belt.  
Without warning he shoved two dry fingers into Mark's exposed hole, a wretched cry of pain ripping from the poor boy's throat. Was this what Youngjae had felt?   
"If you scream and get me caught -" He didn't finish the sentence- didn't need to.   
Mark bit his lip and buried his face into the pillows as those fingers pulled and pried and probed, no feeling behind them, a duty, a punishment.  
Jaebum finished his "preparation" way too soon and Mark could just hear him removing his boxers over the thundering in his ears. God it hurt.   
In so many ways.   
Jaebum spat once in his hand to slick his cock and then he was pushing in, Mark shrieking into the mattress, body twisting every which way to get away from the anguish his body was experiencing.   
The younger bottomed out, staying still for a bit before Mark felt his hair getting grabbed and his head lifted as leverage before Jaebum drew out and then drove back in with a groan.   
The other hand had a bruising grip on his hip, and occasionally when Mark would make a noise a little louder than was safe he would bring the hand down in a smack. Mark had always heard that spanking was hot, but...  
He arched his back when his prostate was hit merely a few thrusts in, his cock hardening further like he was depending on it to do, because he had definitely overestimated what this experience would be like. He at the very least wasn't expecting Jaebum to hurt him on purpose. Yet, here they were.  
"How's it feel, slut? Bet you like getting hurt, hm?"  
Mark didn't answer and he didn't need to. It was pretty obvious he liked it if the precum staining the mattress was anything to go by.  
He was aroused and he loved the feeling of Jaebum hammering into him, even abusing him. He just had realized too late that without Jaebum loving him like Mark loved Jaebum, it was bound to feel empty.   
He longed for a kiss, kept picturing the way Jaebum had mouthed so possessively over Youngjae's skin and his heart twisted.  
Focus, he thought.  
And he did. Closed his eyes and gave himself up to the pleasure of Jaebum, Jaebum's hands on his body, Jaebum's breath on his neck, Jaebum's cock moving deliciously in and out of his hole, Jaebum's smell, Jaebum's sweat, Jaebum, Jaebum, Jaebum.  
He relished in the physical pain to get his mind off the emotional: nails scraping down his thigh every time the sweat made Jaebum's grip slide. The wrenching tear at his scalp, the soreness of his back and arms and legs as he tried to keep himself up. The burn and stretch and chafe on his ass, the blood trickling from his hole and down his left thigh, the suffocating weight on his back.  
A particular thrust had him yelp and then Jaebum smacked his ass so hard that he bit his lip until he tasted metal and he immersed himself in that as well. He was completely Jaebum's to own, to use, to hate, to cast aside.   
The younger came in him without warning, filling his ass and it stung as he pulled out, the wounds on his rim causing him to gasp.   
Jaebum did not make any move to finish him off. He laid in post orgasmic high, collapsed on top of Mark, who waited patiently for the relief bound to come.   
It never did. Jaebum recovered and then he was standing, wiping sweat from his brow as he moved towards the shower.  
"Jaebum!" Mark whisper yelled, and then the younger shrugged.  
"What do you expect me to do? Kiss you and suck you off and cuddle you?" He disappeared.   
Despair swept over him like a tsunami, his heart aching so badly that he thought he must be dying. So many feelings swirled inside him, as he lay, hard and wet and with cum and blood dripping down his body.  
Was this how Youngjae had felt? Violated? Betrayed? Filthy? Guilt at how he had treated the younger filled him so immensely and Mark wept.  
How could he have been so stupid? So blind?  
When Jaebum returned he found the older passed out, looking tiny, dirty, blood on his lips and a frown gracing his features even in sleep. He looked just like a broken doll, thrown to the side by a child who had seen a prettier plaything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you all go! Gosh any ideas for me? All my crackhead brain is telling me is "s m u t! Haha me like smut" and its honestly frustrating

Jaebum was in a horrible mood for the next three days. It affected every aspect of the group, including their staff. Every day ended in an ugly argument of some kind, all stemming from the fact that leader wasn't satisfied. Jackson's voice cracked and it was unnaceptable, Bambam slipped and twisted his ankle, apparently because he was too much of an ass to pay any attention to what they were supposed to be focused on. As if anyone was focused. Their manager had had just about enough, raising his voice and telling Jaebum he'd better get himself and his fucking group in order or "you know who's gonna be hearing from me!" The man had stormed out of the practice room with a slam of the door behind him, leaving the room, and the chaos barely hidden in it, dead silent with a heavy atmosphere. Each of them were all looking at their leader, half of them oblivious to the darkness in the rest of their gazes. Jackson and Bambam were confused, Jinyoung was frightened and worried, and as for the others...  
Mark wasn't even present. Jinyoung had knocked on his door when he failed to rise for breakfast and Jaebum had stepped in quickly, saying he was sick. Even so, Jinyoung crept into the room to check. The oldest was as far under the blankets as he could be while still breathing, what the younger could see of his face creased in a broken frown.  
"You alright?" He whispered, and Mark looked happy to see him for a split second before his face fell again.  
"I'm not," he said. Jinyoung tried asking him if he needed anything, food, a hot pack, company, anything (he wanted to give everything to Mark) but the older had interrupted.  
"Want to be alone." Jinyoung's heart sank and he left, gathering up a little courage to smooth back Mark's hair to kiss his forehead. As he left the room, he looked back to see the other still staring at him.  
Every time he looked at Youngjae his hands shook with anger, wishing he could find whoever hurt him and wring HIS neck. Let's see who would try hurting his baby then. But every time he tried to approach Youngjae to ask about it, the other would be fleeing, stupid excuses falling from his lips. He must have realized Jinyoung suspected something. But it didn't make sense. Wouldn't he want to get help, expose whoever could possibly hurt him? He was their baby otter and must know that all of them would love and protect him.  
Jinyoung still dared not tell Jaebum. He knew the older would fly into a rage and disrupt everything just to find and murder whoever hurt his precious Jae Jae. He had to find all the facts before he told leader hyung, for all of their safety and well being.  
And he still hadn't talked to their maknae. He had promised Bambam, but he was afraid to breach the conversation. Yugyeom was immature and hadn't learned how to love yet. There was a chance he had lost interest in Bambam, and Jinyoung did not want to break the boy's heart further by bringing him bad news. God, what had happened to their family? He felt like everything was on his shoulders. And now he had to deal with an angry and erratic leader, when his best friend was the one supposed to be helping him, was supposed to be strong and mature and level headed. What was wrong with him? Every time he brought up the obvious issues in their dynamic that had surfaced recently, he dismissed them, almost scornfully. It reminded Jinyoung of their first year as a group when Jaebum had so much trouble controlling his temper. It had been so hard back then and Jaebum had only shapen up when Jinyoung had threatened him with leaving. Had his true brother slipped back into old habits? The thought scared him.  
Jackson was the only one who seemed half ok anymore, and well, he was always oblivious and happy. It was hard to tell when he was genuinely upset. What if he was just as damaged as the rest, only better at hiding it? Jinyoung had half a mind to ask him for help but he was too afraid. Of what, he wasn't sure.  
Something had gone horribly wrong so suddenly it gave him whiplash, and he was alone in trying to find out what it was exactly.  
He told their manager about Youngjae. The man wasn't dumb, nor condescending. But he knew Jinyoung's reputation as a worrywart.  
He had placed a hand on his shoulder.  
"Kid got laid. Nothing bad about that. You don't worry your head about it, ok? Get some sleep."  
And God, he wanted to. He so, so wanted to.  
But he had a strong feeling he wouldn't be getting any for a while. Not while his literal fucking children were all falling apart, not while Jaebum was treating him like they didn't know each other like the backs of their hands, not while pretty Mark was crying himself to sleep and looking so wan and sickly that he might fade away.  
He would find out what was going on or he would die trying.  
When he got in bed that night he pulled out a little notebook and started scrawling down all the odd behaviors and incidents that had transpired over the past few weeks, as well as a list of who he would interrogate, who he needed to keep an eye on, who he needed to snoop on. He had filled three pages by the time he was finished, but he felt a little more at ease now that he had some semblance of a plan.  
He closed his eyes as he heard Youngjae enter the room. He didn't want to frighten the poor boy off before he could even open his mouth, so he feigned sleep until he heard the other exit the shower.  
When he heard even breaths, he crept across to check the other's neck once again. His eyes had not played tricks on him. The bruises were yellowing.  
He turned his flash on and snapped a photo for evidence, quickly slimming back to his side of the room as Youngjae stirred in his sleep.  
***  
Youngjae knew it was his fault. He wasn't sure what he had done but he knew. Every time Jaebum looked at him, anxiety jabbed his heart. The way the older was on edge, making the whole group walk on eggshells around him- Youngjae was the only one who could fix it.  
Late the next night, after Jinyoung was asleep, he snuck from the room and across the dorm, surprised to see Mark's sleeping form on the couch. What had happened? But he didn't dwell on it. It made his job easier anyway.  
He turned the doorknob ever so slowly, opening the door and slipping inside before closing it silently behind him. He knew the room well in the dark, and he made his way to Jaebum's bed with no trouble.  
He slid beside the other's sleeping figure, rubbing his shoulder lightly.  
"Hyung," he whispered, the older stirring. He looked innocent and cute just waking up, but Youngjae felt a tremor of fear run through him.  
"Honey, what's the matter?" Jaebum's scratchy sleep voice tickled his senses and he wanted to just lie beside him and drift off like old times.  
"I need to talk to you," The boy whispered, wiping sweat slick hands on the bedsheets.  
The older pulled him gently down until they were pressed together, Youngjae's face in his shoulder.  
"Go head, baby." The older said gently and Youngjae took a deep breath. He was suddenly aware of the bare skin of Jaebum's torso on his and it made him shiver. He suddenly felt self conscious in his baggy shirt and boxers.  
"Please, hyung. You're so angry and I don't know why- but it needs to stop. They'll find out," He felt the other pull away just a little bit and he could see the jut of his jaw. He was angry.  
"Find out what, Youngjae?" He asked icily. There was hostility in his voice, defense, as if he was offended. This had backfired.  
"U-us," Youngjae choked out hesitantly. Jaebum grew silent.  
"I just... Please tell me what the matter is. Is it Mark? I saw him in the living room."  
Jaebum scoffed.  
"I could care less about Mark." He said nastily.  
"Then what is it? You can't live like this. Everyone is so upset because you are." He sought Jaebum's hand but it was pulled away as soon as they touched.  
"Are you blaming me?" He asked indignantly.  
Yes.  
"Of course not, hyung, I just want-" Youngjae took a deep breath, a little swell of heat bubbling in his core as he slid into Jaebum's barely clothed lap.  
"Will this make you happy?"  
He mouthed at the warm, smooth skin on Jaebum's strong jaw line, the said man grunting in surprise, tilting his head back to give access.  
Youngjae could smell him, a mix of cherry shampoo and his natural musk, intoxicating in its own right and assisting him in his task. He felt afraid to, but gathered just enough courage to nip softly under Hyung's ear, and it must have been good because he felt the man's cock harden against his ass. He brought his tongue out to snake across his collar bone, down the middle of his toned chest, back up to his face. Their lips met and Jaebum was instantly dominating his baby's mouth, tongue forcing its way between wet lips and down the boy's velvet throat. 

Jaebum would agree not to fuck him but would throw a fit until he had to ask him for it. 

Youngjae pulled away to catch his breath, panting and flushed and wrecked already as Jaebum slid his hands under his pajama shirt, causing the younger to shudder and arch his back.  
"Hyung, I..." He bit his lip as Jaebum undressed him, trying to think of what would be the least painful for him.  
His cheeks reddened as it occurred to him. He couldn't possibly ask for it... Could he?  
Jaebum either hadn't heard him or was ignoring him, sucking a nipple into his mouth.  
There was that heat again, dreadful and overbearing and completely addictive, Youngjae throwing his head back as it came over him in waves. His shorts seemed so tight.  
He tapped the older's shoulder desperately, panting his question out again before he could forget.  
"Hyung, hyung, listen,"  
Jaebum halted long enough to say,  
"What is it honey, tell Hyung what you want," before he was sucking his skin once more.  
"I-" He choked, completely mortified. Jaebum looked up and saw his face and cooed.  
"Oh, baby." He smoothed his precious otter's hair and gave his forehead a peck.  
"Are you shy? Here, whisper it in Hyungie's ear," and he leaned in close.  
As he put his mortification into words, Youngjae could have sworn he felt his soul leave his body.  
"I-... I want hyung to..." He paused, licked his lips, shivered. Jaebum encouraged him with gentle nods and "mhmms" until he choked out the scandalous sentence.  
"Want hyung to eat me out,"  
Arousal was charging between them like electricity at the slightest ghost of a whisper Youngjae had let out.  
An almost sickening mixture of excitement and shame twisted in his gut as Jaebum nodded, eyes dark.  
"That's my good little otter," He breathed, sinking down onto the pillows and pulling his cock free of his pants to slowly jerk himself, watching Youngjae with heavy lids as he pulled his boxers off and proceeded to climb up the bed until his hips flanked the older's head.  
"I don't k-know how to do th-is," He stuttered. Jaebum grabbed his hips forcefully and adjusted them comfortably, that beautiful full ass just inches from where they wanted it.  
Youngjae let out a low breath as he lowered himself hesitantly, too hesitantly apparently because suddenly his thighs were yanked down and he gasped out loud as he felt that wet heat on his hole.  
It was sinful, the way Jaebum slowly nipped at his rim, eliciting short pained sighs, the languid pace the older set for himself at which to place kisses varying from short and chaste to downright vile sucking.  
His tongue circled the rim slowly, and Youngjae felt the vibration of a hum against his skin as if the other was relishing his taste. He keened as the wet muscle first pushed against his rim, attempting near impossible access. It was continuous, the way Jaebum shoved it in little by little, gaining ground with each stroke of his tongue. If he noticed Youngjae's pre come dripping into his hair he didn't pause to say anything about it.  
The younger cried out as Jaebum shifted his grip on thick thighs to bring a hand up, a finger pressed experimentally alongside the working tongue, slipping past the band of muscles and stretching it.  
Heavy pants filled the air as Youngjae was suddenly hoisted up and he fell onto his back, Jaebum taking stance above him.  
"Hold your legs up," He ordered and Youngjae barely had time to obey before two fingers were forced into his hole, swiftly scissoring until tears filmed over his eyes from the overwhelming feeling.  
Then Jaebum's face was back between his full cheeks, tongue wriggling its way between the digits.  
"Hyung!" Youngjae choked, bringing a hand up to muffle his moans. There was nothing to compare the feeling to, no experience quite like his hyung's velvet tongue moving against his walls continuously.  
"Please, please...ah!" Youngjae writhed and begged for he knew not what, pushing his body back against the other, fucking himself on Jaebum's tongue.  
The older came up for air, pressing kisses against his thighs as he caught his breath.  
"You like that, sweetie? Like being dirty like that for hyung?"  
It brought Youngjae back to the reality that in essence, no he didn't, and that this was the less of two evils.  
But then Jaebum dove back in and drove any other thoughts from the boy's mind, his prostate brushed by a finger and causing his back to arch so beautifully it had Jaebum pulling back to watch.  
It had Youngjae boneless, as he continued, the focus on both his walls and his sweet spot at once, breathy pants falling from his lips and heat forming so tightly in his stomach.  
"Ah, hyung, I think-" He was so distracted by the buildup leading to inevitable bliss that it took him a few seconds to realize that tongue and fingers had been replaced with something thicker, longer.  
He winced immediately as Jaebum sank his cock into the heat of his hole, his gasps turning from pleasured to hurt.  
"Hyu-hyung! Wha-" He broke off with a hiss of pain as Jaebum bottomed out. "I thought-!" His betrayal couldn't really be put into any reasonable argument: after all, what had he expected to happen? He was the one who came to Jaebum in the first place.  
It felt good. Being fucked was growing on him little by little, or maybe it was just him getting used to it and adapting to it. Either way, it had him moaning as Jaebum pulled him up until he was sitting on the other, back flush against his hyung's broad back.  
"Ride me." The order had him whimpering, already overwhelmed and exhausted but aching with want and the urgent need to release. He found himself gaining leverage by gripping Jaebum's strong bare thighs, nails sinking into skin as he shakily lifted himself before falling back down onto the other's cock.  
"God, so good for me, Jae. Do that again."  
He continued the grind of lifting himself on trembling limbs and collapsing from the strenousness he was not accustomed to, Jaebum nipping at his neck and offering encouragement along the way.  
Sweat between them made for slick noises accompanying the slap of skin; it had a blush spreading across Youngjae's chest like a wildfire, Jaebum's hand running over the heat in adoration as he licked at the younger's jaw line.  
"Doing so well, look so pretty-" He sucked into the side of Youngjae's neck who hissed- his bruises were still sore.  
"I need help," he panted, and immediately he was being lifted, relief washing through his weary body as his head fell back against Jaebum's chest.  
He would come soon, he realized, as he pushed back over onto his hands and knees, the older's heavy weight pressed against him, pounding mercilessly. His thrusts were erratic, wild with desire and pushing both of them towards the end they wanted.  
"I knew you'd come back to me," Jaebum said affectionately and Youngjae frowned for a second, though he wasn't given the time to process the words as suddenly heat coiled in his stomach like a loaded spring and the pressure was so much it was all he could to grab onto Jaebum's arm and cry out a strangled,  
"I'm-!" before he was coming untouched onto the sheets below them. Jaebum followed seconds after, filling him with warm I'm and continuing to thrust through their highs before collapsing on him.  
They lay in slick bliss for what seemed like forever, drowsiness creeping up on Youngjae slowly.  
"Hyung, heavy," he mumbled, wincing as Jaebum pulled out to lay beside him.  
He felt a surge of happiness as his Hyung pulled him into his arms, spooning him with head buried in his neck.  
"Love you, baby otter." He whispered. Youngjae smiled and sighed before closing his eyes for good. At least he had appeased Jaebum.  
***  
The older lay awake long after Youngjae drifted off, thinking hard. As far as his boy went, everything was going rather smoothly. The baby had slowly gotten used to how things would be, finally believing his hyung's professions of love. It was amazing.  
And yet, Jaebum still felt uneasy about the rest of them. With Jinyoung's constant nagging, Mark's erratic behavior, and the entire incident with Yugyeom, he felt so uneasy. If anyone else found out there wasn't much he could do to stop them from exposing him. After all, he had blackmail on Mark and Yugyeom and even Youngjae just as much as they did him. But the other three? What could he ever do to keep them from spilling if they found out? He needed to be more careful. And even better, he needed to be proactive. He would watch the other three, search them, spy on them even. Until he found something that they would never want out in the open. It was simple. He needed to find them out before they found him out. And if they had nothing to hide? Well, he would make them something to hide.  
He hugged Youngjae harder as the younger mumbled in his sleep sweetly.  
He had gotten him finally, and he was keeping him. No one would stop him, not even Jinyoung. Not even God.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING MENTIONS SUICIDE AND SELF HARM, PANIC ATTACKS, ETC.  
> I'm no psychologist but I've seen enough in my own family to at least have an idea about these issues. If I make any mistakes or you are triggered in any way, please forgive me.  
> My wish is to heal not hurt

Mark took the razor in hand and stared at it. It surely wouldn't be too hard- to just slide it up his forearm. Of course it would take longer to actually die, but...  
He was afraid. He was tired of pain. He didn't want it to be the last thing he felt.  
He put the blade back in the bathroom drawer and sighed.  
Before he did it, he should at least be feeling a little better. Maybe he would apologize to Youngjae, talk to Jinyoung, expose Jaebum.  
It all seemed impossible. But he had to do it. Maybe then he would be ok with ending his life. God would forgive him then or something. He was reaching.  
Above all, he wouldn't be a coward anymore. Not for Jaebum, and not for himself. He had to be brave, strong. His own person.  
He laid down and thought. Youngjae probably wouldn't forgive him. Jinyoung would hate him. They all would hate him. But something needed to change. He took a deep shuddering breath and prayed. God, fix me long enough to fix this.  
He would last long enough to bring Jaebum down with him.  
***  
Jackson held Bambam close, the younger boy sobbing into his shoulder. It was the same old. He was ugly. Yugyeom didn't love him. Everyone thought he was stupid. He wasn't talented.  
Jackson was tired. He remembered so well holding Mark in the same way while the older pined for Jaebum. He wondered vaguely how that had gone.  
"I just feel so alone, Jacks,-" So do I, you're not special, the older thought.  
He rubbed the younger's back and nodded. What was he, a fucking mother?  
"And Gyeom doesn't think I'm worth his dick. I wish someone would just love me, you know?"  
They'd been spending so much time together recently that Jackson had barely noticed his developing crush on his younger friend. Maybe it was just the brokenness. He was drawn to it, the need to heal and to fix. It was his perfect flaw.  
First Mark and now this.  
I love you, he thought. But of course, no one ever picked him. He was just the friend to whine to. To fuck like he didn't have feelings.  
"Maybe you should look somewhere else, you know? Maybe this is a sign that Yug isn't the one for you."  
Bam scowled at him. Of course. There was never another option.  
"But I don't want anyone else." He said.  
"Well... Did you try talking to him about it recently? Wait. I have an idea." Here he was, killing his chances. It was what he was good at apparently.  
He laid out his plan for Bam, the younger unsure in the end.  
"I don't know, Jackson. What if he really doesn't like me? That'll be horrible."  
"Bullshit. He's so in love with you. Now let's do this." His heart clenched, but Bam smiled with hope and it was everything.  
"Ok. But if this backfired you have to pay for my food for a month." They both laughed.  
"As if I don't anyway." Jackson muttered. Bambam didn't get the hint behind the words but that was fine. Jackson was used to it.

That night Bambam showered and shaved and exfoliated and did his hair and everything he could think of to make himself desirable. Jackson picked his outfit out and helped make his bed. He even let him borrow his favorite perfume. He looked so pretty it made the older's heart hurt.  
"I think you're all ready," He said with a shaking breath. Bam gave him a nervous look.  
"Are you sure this will work?" He asked, before Jackson pushed him into the bedroom and slammed the door, leaning against the opposite side. 

He didn't really mean to listen in.

***  
Yugyeom was texting Jungkook while buried under his blankets, letting his muscles and his mind relax. So much had been going on lately-- Jaebum giving him whiplash with his wild mood swings, constantly raging one day and jovial the next, and Kunpimook- oh God. It hurt to even think about him, hurt to love him.  
All he wanted to do was push him against the wall and kiss him, but he was so afraid. Jaebum's words swirled in his mind all day and all night, and he was so frightened that he would begin to believe them. If you're a real man it won't matter if he wants it or not.  
He shuddered and tried to take his mind off the wickedness of those words. He thought of Bammie, how cute and funny and dorky he was, how much he loved him.  
God he loved him so much he could just bend him over and-  
The door opened and then slammed and he jerked as if he'd been caught doing something bad, even though it was just his thoughts.  
He expected a tease, and what he got was... Well.  
Kunpimook stood in the doorway, eyes made up darkly and lips tinted red, a choker around his slender throat.  
He was wearing tight pants and fuck- a crop top. Yugyeom wanted to rub his hands all over that cute tummy-  
He swallowed thickly as Bam made his way over, hips swaying, reaching Yugyeom and instantly taking his mouth in a kiss.  
The younger leaned back on the bed and Bambam quickly took up the unused space, sliding into his lap and immediately rolling his hips.  
Oh god, he thought his brain might short circuit, and barely anything had happened.  
"Mookie, what-" He tried to ask, but the older boy shushed him with a sloppy kiss before breaking off to pull his shirt off.  
He pushed up against Yugyeom, chest next to his face.  
He grabbed his lover's chin and guided his lips to his nipple.  
"Suck it Gyeom," He panted.  
Yugyeom choked, placing overwhelmed hands on the other's hips before closing his lips around the perky pink bud.  
"God, that feels good. Feel so good, Gyeom."  
His words were everything. Yugyeom swelled with pride. He was making him feel good!  
He gained confidence, recovering from the shock of it all, nipping slightly at Bambam's chest and grinning when he gasped, bringing his hand up to tease the other nipple.  
Bambam was already a mess, head thrown back and cheeks flushed from pleasure, crotch rutting frantically against Yugyeom's.  
"Please, please," He gasped, and Yugyeom didn't waste any time tearing both of their clothes from their bodies until they were fully bare, both hard and red and with sweat sheening their skin.  
"So pretty, I love you Mook." He heaved, turning Bambam over and crawling over him. His cock twitched as he saw the older spread his legs shamelessly. He knew how he could be insecure about his looks but here he was- laying himself bare for Yugyeom and Yugyeom only.  
"Please, Gyeom. Want you to fuck me." He was pulled down for another kiss, this time warm and loving and passionate, threatening to take all of his breath, he was drowning in it.  
"Ok. Ok." he was nervous, fearful of hurting him, but so ready to act on their pent up desire. It was now or never.  
"Do you have-" He didn't even have to finish his sentence as Bambam pulled a condom from the back pocket of his discarded jeans, ripping it open. Yugyeom reached for it, pulled back, repeated the cycle, then Bambam pushed his awkward hands aside and rolled it over his dick for him.  
"Look Gyeom," and then. Oh my god. Kunpimook reached between his own legs and pulled his cheeks apart, revealing the clean shaven, pink little hole.  
"I've prepared myself, its all yours."  
He stared until his love started calling him a virgin and telling him to hurry, so he carefully, slowly guided his cock to the teeny tiny opening that it would somehow fit in.  
Then he took a deep breath and pushed in.

Jackson fled from the door in shame, running straight into Jaebum in his haste to get away.  
"Hmm, what were you doing?" The leader teased.  
He shook his head and ignored it, slamming his door behind him as soon as he reached it.  
He had given up on fantasizing about bottoming after Jaebum had found his video. It was so embarrassing that it failed to be attractive.  
Now this. Leader was always there whenever Jackson didn't want him to be. Almost like he was watching him. Ugh. Annoying old man. Probably going to lecture him about something soon.  
His mind turned to bigger issues.  
From what he heard their plan had worked and that was great for Bambam but...  
God he felt so alone.  
Maybe he was just too emotional. He needed to man up, get over hi silly crushes and find someone who wanted him back instead of thirsting after taken men.  
He got down on the floor and began doing push ups. For each one he was closer to finding someone, right? Everyone loved muscles.  
It was the only thing about himself he was confident in at this point since every one so obviously hated his personality. He just needed to go through the comment section on their music videos and it would be obvious.

It didn't seem that long that he worked out.  
But he was surprised to find himself collapse as soon as he stopped from a noise. His head suddenly hurt so bad and his limbs shook from apparent exhaustion.  
He laid down on the floor and wondered vaguely what was wrong. He wasn't even that tired.  
He heard another shout and he frowned, worried that something might be wrong but his eyes were closing on their own.  
He would check in a moment. He just needed a little break.  
Everything faded to black.  
***  
Jinyoung heard the maknae's voice and instantly sat up from where he had been resting, Mark beside him on the couch looking sad. He had asked what was wrong but the older had just shrugged and made up an excuse about being tired- again.  
But now-  
"I can't! Oh my god!"  
He was running down the hallway to the youngest's room, reaching the door just as it was pushed open.  
"Hyung-" a naked, tear stained, flushed Bambam choked out. "Something's wrong, I don't know what I did, he-"  
Jinyoung pushed past him, smiling slightly in the midst of the fear of the unknown as he saw Mark, who had followed, put an arm around Kunpimook as they stood in the door frame.  
Yugyeom sat on the bed, also naked, tears running down his face.  
That wasn't the scary part.  
He was shivering, rocking back and forth, nails raking over his arms as he heaved, hiccuping breaths leaving him faster than was ordinary.  
Jinyoung quickly realized he was having a panic attack.  
He approached slowly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Yugyeom jerked and looked up before crying harder.  
"I can't do it, I can't do what he said." He sobbed, and Jinyoung looked back to see Bambam's face crumple.  
But this was more than being unnattracted.  
"Who, Gyeomie?" He rubbed gentle circles into his back in an attempt to calm him down.  
"It does matter, he was wrong! I can't!" He buried his hands in his face and this time Bambam was confused as well. It was clear the other wasn't talking about him.  
"Honey, you have to tell me who. And what matters?" Jinyoung took him into his arms and rubbed his hair, the boy's breathing still choked.  
"Bum hyung," He whispered.  
Jinyoung frowned. Just what was going on and what had their leader been telling his baby?  
"Mhm, what did he say?" He whispered soothingly.  
Jinyoung wondered vaguely where Jackson was. He could use his help. It only made him more worried.  
"When he hurt Youngjae he said it wouldn't matter-"  
"What?!" Jinyoung didn't mean to shout, it just happened. What the hell was he talking about?!  
"You're scaring him," Mark quickly cut in.  
"You're right, sorry. Yugyeom, it's alright. I'm not mad."  
He held him gently without any more questions, calming him down with reassurances that everything was ok until the poor boy finally drifted off to sleep.  
He slipped from the room.  
"Where's Jaebum?" He asked firmly. Fear lit up in Mark's eyes.  
"I don't think-"  
"He and Youngjae went to the studio," Bambam said quickly.  
"Mark. Find Jackson, ok? I need you both to take care of these two while I'm out. Make sure Gyeom is ok.  
Bambam-" his voice softened. "It wasn't your fault."  
The dread in the pit of his stomach was growing steadily as he slipped his shoes on. Never had Yugyeom looked so traumatised, and if he wasn't just babbling, then it had something to do with Jaebum... And Youngjae.  
As he opened the front door, he heard a quiet, "wait."  
Mark stood behind him, tears streaming down his face, looking so broken like he knew something Jinyoung didn't and-  
The older boy crossed the space between them and gripped Jinyoung's shirt.  
"Please," he bit his lip and sobbed silently, and fear speared Jinyoung's heart.  
"Promise me you won't think less of me," Mark whispered. Then he pressed lips wet with salt tears against Jinyoung's quickly.  
"What-"  
"Go. Before he destroys us all."  
Jinyoung didn't know what was going on, but it was damn time to find out.  
He ran.  
***  
As soon as he got to the building his phone rang.  
It was Mark. His voice was more steady and he didn't bring up their last conversation.  
"Where do we keep fever reducer?" He asked crisply.  
"Does Yugyeom have a fever?" He asked hopefully. If so, perhaps his words had been from delirium-  
"No. It's Jackson. We found him passed out on his floor and he's burning hot. I didn't want to tell you, but we got worried-"  
He was going to scream. He felt rage and despair and hurt for his family all crash through him. Poor Jackson had been on the floor? What the hell? His utter lack of control had tears filling his eyes.  
But he had to be strong.  
"It's in my bedside drawer. Give him two and put him to bed. Is Gyeom ok?"  
There was a pause.  
"He's better, still won't look at Bambam."  
"Alright. I'll deal with it as soon as I get back. Are you ok?"  
He heard a quiet breath.  
"Just... Hurry. Don't worry about me."  
The line went dead.  
Jinyoung pocketed his phone with a deep breath and a rising sense of purpose as he pushed the door open. 

The recording studio was empty. He cursed, hoping they hadn't left as he got there or something.  
He passed by the practice room and decided to check there.  
The door was cracked and as he approached he could hear voices steadily rising in volume.  
"Please, hyung." Youngjae. "I don't want to. I need- I need to sing." He sounded upset.  
"Oh, please. Sweetheart, you got choked and were fine the next day. If you loved me you'd do it."  
What? Jaebum had known about the marks? Jinyoung bit his lip in anger. What else had he been pretending not to notice?  
"That's not how love works, hyung. Please, just wait till after the comeback. I need to sing and dance and I can't if you keep making me do this." A little noise, like a whimper.  
Jinyoung bristled.  
What the hell, Jaebum?  
He burst into the room to see Jaebum's hands rested firmly on Youngjae's shoulders, who was on his knees, crying.  
"What's going on?"  
All kinds of emotions flickered over both of their faces. Jinyoung was shaking.  
"I just got here from the studio to find baby on the floor. Jinyoungie hyung, tell him what a good dancer he is. He won't listen to me." Jaebum pouted.  
Jinyoung's mind reeled.  
How, what?  
Since when had Jaebum even been that good at lying? He was so goddamn shameless it even looked like Youngjae was half believing his words.  
His best friend....  
He took a deep breath. He needed time to think.  
But for now...  
"I need you both at the dorm. Jackson and Yugyeom are in trouble."  
He saw Jaebum's eyebrows crease in worry. Why had he just noticed that the worry wasn't reaching the other's eyes? It was so horrifying.  
He looked irritated at having been interrupted if anything.  
Jinyoung held the door open for both of them, noticing first that Youngjae was shaking and next that Jaebum had a slight bulge in his pants.  
Oh Lord.  
He had to come up with a plan and fast.  
If Jaebum was really not what he claimed to be- if his best friend was ruthless and deceptive and literally sociopathic-  
Jinyoung had a choice to make. Jaebum- or his members.  
JJP or Got7. His blood brother or his children.  
It was apparent to him (though nothing else was) that he could not choose both.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG I FELT ALL MONTH LIKE THIS CHAPTER WAS SHIT AND KINDA STILL DO BUT I FELT LIKE I OWED YOU GUYS AN UPDATE.THIS WAS A HARD CHAPTER TO WRITE FOR MANY REASONS SO I HOPE IT PAYS OFF AND YOU ALL LIKE IT

Bambam just watched things unfold.  
It had been a blur of confusion, Mark's tearfulness, Jackson's obvious lack of function (he didn't know why, but he thought it might be those protein shakes he always drank.) and of course, his boyfriend having a full blown panic attack mid thrust. It had been fine, his plan had worked, and then all of a sudden Yuggie was sweating for a completely different reason, apologizing, sobbing. It had been terrifying. And the mentions of Jaebum and Jinyoung's obvious revelation and determination after that... Just what was going on? Of course things hadn't been normal recently, but when had it started it and why?

Skip to when Jinyoung returned with Jaebum and Youngjae with a glaringly fake smile on his face. Youngjae was crying and he wasn't sure why and Jaebum looked really...listless. Like he had tuned reality out. Bam was even more confused.   
Mark appeared when they arrived, looking hollow and devastated, as if waiting for bad news he knew would come. Jackson was resting, as was Yugyeom.  
Jinyoung spoke in a whisper.  
"We're having a meeting. Living room in five."   
Youngjae he kept a tight grip on, and Bambam watched a puzzling altercation as Jaebum tried to lead Youngjae towards the hallway but Jinyoung literally pulled the younger away from him, the two best friends joining in a sizzling staring contest before Jaebum released Youngjae and stalked away.   
"Living room." Jinyoung repeated firmly and Youngjae obeyed without a word.   
"How are they?" It took the second youngest a minute to realize he was the one being addressed. Mark had slunk away.   
"Uh, ok. Both sleeping." Jinyoung nodded. There was pain in his eyes, age. He looked like he had seen too much and it scared Bambam.  
"Will you please wake them? If they're not feeling any better, that's fine, it can wait. But this needs to be addressed, by all of us."   
He wasn't sure what "this" was, but he agreed. He crept into Jackson's room first, to find him awake, looking a little better.  
"Hey, are you ok?" He asked quietly and his friend nodded tiredly.   
"Are you feeling up to a family meeting?" He tried to sound upbeat, but the word family felt misplaced on his tongue. Maybe he didn't know everything, but he had a feeling that word didn't apply to them, not anymore.   
"Why, what happened?" He asked. He looked awfully sad, and Bambam felt a little guilty. He had had the feeling Jackson might like him in different ways than the other way around. Oops.   
"Um. A lot of things actually," He said nervously, with a clearing of his throat.  
"Ok. I might fall asleep, though." He said. Bambam highly doubted it, but held his tongue.  
Yugyeom was harder to talk to. As soon as he knocked the younger told him to go away and it hurt so bad, even with the (somewhat vague) knowledge that it was not Bambam's fault.   
"Gyeom, it's important. You have to come out,"   
Jinyoung appeared from nowhere and Bambam left him to it.  
He was tired anyway.  
***  
Mark rushed into the living room after Youngjae, who stiffened with fear when he saw who was behind him. It broke Mark to his very core.   
"Youngjae, please,"   
And he was on his knees in front of the other, taking small hands in his own.  
The words would barely come out.   
"I don't expect forgiveness. But please."  
Please what? What was he even asking for, if not forgiveness?   
"I'd sooner kill myself than repeat what I did. An eternity in hell wouldn't be enough. Just please know that..."  
His guilt had not surfaced with the fact that the others might soon find him out. It had festered in him so long he didn't recognize himself without it. He needed to tell Youngjae one on one before he got what he deserved.   
He paused.  
"Jaebum promised he would make love to me if I helped him. I brought you to his house. I tied you up. I drugged you and took advantage of you and choked you for sex with someone who trampled me underfoot.   
He didn't make love to me."  
He didn't know why he was telling his story; he didn't want Youngjae to think he was looking for sympathy, like Jaebum would do. Ha.   
"What did he do?" Youngjae whispered. Mark looked up and did not see hatred in his eyes, though acceptance wasn't quite there either.   
"Do you remember the first night you spent with him? The pain you felt? The betrayal and confusion? The feeling of complete worthlessness?" They were both crying again by now.  
"I think-" Mark sniffled. "I think it was a fitting punishment, for me to feel the same things I put you through."   
"Jaebum said he loved you and I hated myself because he didn't love me. I'm not looking for pity. I did what I did and I deserve everything I get for it. But Youngjae please. I love you- I'll do anything just to know you're ok and free of him. Tell me what to do."   
"Mark," Youngjae said. His voice shook. "Tell me one thing please." There was a silence in the room.   
"Does he really truly love me?"   
He sounded so heartbroken it made Mark want to physically rip Jaebum's heart out. If he even had one.   
"Ask yourself this. I wish I had. Would you feel the same feelings you do when you are with him that you would expect to feel with someone who loved you?"

The door opened and Jinyoung held it open as the rest of the group filed in.  
Mark bit his lip, giving Youngjae one last final look. The fear and resignation in his gut was so overwhelming he felt he would faint. Everyone would find out how filthy he was. Jinyoung would hate him.   
But it was ok. He would not hide the truth as long as it meant Youngjae could escape.  
The younger gave him the tiniest hint of a smile and he felt a little more empowered.  
Jaebum wouldn't hurt any of them anymore.  
***  
"Obviously, there are a few things we need to discuss as a group. Things haven't been ideal recently and it is our responsibility to each other and to our fans to resolve our problems. Three very serious issues have come to my attention and we will address them."  
Jackson didn't think Jinyoung had ever sounded so serious and it simultaneously scared him and excited him. The secrets he had been hiding would be out and he couldn't wait.  
"First of all," The younger continued. "I'd like to know why exactly each and everyone of you have been avoiding each other, avoiding me, and hiding truths from the group. Specifically, why you think it is ok to keep traumatic experiences, different forms of abuse, and serious disagreements among members to yourselves."   
No one except maybe Bambam looked even the slightest bit surprised. Jackson would have been, but after what had happened earlier that morning, he wasn't.   
"Since it seems acceptable to act like children around here, we're gonna go around in a circle and fess up. I want the truth about what's going on and I'll know if you're lying. I didn't put up with all your shit for all these years to be treated with such disrespect. You think I don't recognize hurt when I see it? Now. I'll go first."  
He sat down and they all watched silently.   
"I've had a lot if things on my mind that have been keeping me from giving my all to our group. The main one being the fact that I feel our leader has not been... leading. I am sure," He grit his teeth as if even he knew it was bullshit- "that there is a good reason on his part and I expect to hear it soon. Even so. It's really hurt my feelings and I would like a change. We're adults. I'm sure we can discuss problems we have with one another. Right, Jaebum?" There was venom in his tone but everyone pretended it wasn't there.   
"Of course." Jaebum said agreeably.   
"Great. Then can you give me a reason for your slack on your responsibility?"   
The leader visibly stiffened, already on defense mode. It made Jackson laugh.   
He expected Jaebum to stick to his whole, "I'm tired" thing, but instead, it was the second best bullshit: a sob story.  
"I just feel...isolated as of late. Like all of you are avoiding me. If I've hurt any of you in any why, please let me know. I'm not a genius and I can't read minds."  
The audacity.  
You complete idiot, Jackson thought. You really think each of us don't know what you've done to the others.

The room was silent with obvious disbelief for a good minute before innocent Bambam cleared his throat.  
"You've been really mean and harsh with all of us lately. Keep blowing up at all our mistakes even though you make just as many."   
Jaebum gave a sigh of relief and immediately started to look smug, as if he thought that would be the worst of the confrontations.   
"That's right, Bam, and I'm sorry. Truly. There's just been a lot on my mind lately. I'll try to do better."   
"Like what? What's been on you mind, maybe we can help you through it. We are a team, after all."   
Mark practically spat the words. Even Jackson was taken aback. With all he knew, maybe he still didn't know everything.   
Jaebum was on guard again, and no one missed the glare he sent his hyung.  
"I've worked through it and I wouldn't want you all to worry. It's not all about me; I think there are more pressing issues. Like what happened with Jackson and Yugyeom today. Can someone fill me in please?"  
It was truly fun to see his expressions change. Now, again, he thought he had gotten out of something and was almost smirking. It was so laughable. "Yugyeom had a panic attack." Jinyoung said sharply. Jackson glanced at the maknae worriedly; he looked pretty shaken up still, especially with the knowledge that his secrets would be brought to light. Jackson knew them anyway. It's easy to see things when no one is paying attention to you. 

"He kept saying your name. Why would that be?" Yugyeom's head shot up and he and Jaebum stared at one another for a time longer than could be excused as innocent. "I wouldn't know. Yugyeom, why don't you tell us." There was a threat in the sentence and it did not go unnoticed. Jinyoung inhaled sharply and poor Youngjae's lower lip wobbled. Jackson didn't think Yugyeom would come through. He held his breath, a sinking feeling in his gut. Yugyeom would cower. He kept glancing at Bambam, proof enough. He would never let him know what had happened that day. 

"I saw him hurt Youngjae." His voice was so quiet, so shaky, so tentative. But his sentence was heard. Instantly the room felt hot and heavy, suffocating, tense. 

"That's bullshit. Why the hell would I hurt Youngjae?!" Jaebum bristled. Jackson's eyebrows raised in surprise when Yugyeom's soft voice spoke through his outburst. 

"I went to the studio for my phone. I could hear Jae crying." Again Jaebum cut in, face red with anger, denying the claim.

"That's bullshit, he's making it up-" Yugyeom kept going. "He said, 'No one would blame me if they caught me fucking you." 

"What the fuck, Jaebum?" Jinyoung looked so betrayed it physically hurt to see the way his eyes watered, the shock making his face go pale. 

Jaebum shook his head. He didn't speak.

"He- He-" Yugyeom halted in the middle of the memory, hands shaking, tears blocking his throat. Instead of continuing, he took something from his pocket. A crumpled piece of paper. He got up and tried handing it to Jinyoung. Jaebum suddenly lunged forward and attempted to grab it. 

Jackson was surprised with the power the maknae showed in the next moment. 

"Hyung. Sit down." He towered over Jaebum and grabbed his hand, viciously twisting his wrist. Bambam gasped and Jaebum cursed, releasing the notebook page, jutting his jaw but obeying, massaging his hand and looking completely panicked. 

Jinyoung took the page and looked over it, gasping and putting a hand over his mouth, giving the most heartbroken glance towards Youngjae, who had his head down. 

"Jaebum... can you prove this wrong?" He didn't wait for a response, but began reading.

"I could hear Youngjae crying and begging him to wait because he was still sore. Jaebum didn't listen. The door was ajar and I could see him pulling his pants down. He looked right at me." Jinyoung paused, tears already dripping down his face. No one except he and Bambam seemed shocked at all, and he noticed this. 

"Did all of you know this was going on or what?!" He was trembling, whether with fear or anger or plain shock, or all three, Jackson could only guess. 

"Keep going." Mark said and Jinyoung saw the hurt, the story. He swallowed and continued. 

"... He followed me into the bathroom. He asked me if I wanted to fuck Youngjae and when I said no he asked me why I was hard. He forced me into the stall and jerked me off while he played the video he had recorded of Youngjae crying. Then he told me real men take what they want no matter if the other wants it. He said I'd fuck Kunnie like that someday." 

Collective gasps sounded through the room, Youngjae sitting up and looking so horrifed, Yugyeom crumpling at his feet. 

"I'm sorry Jae, I could've done something. I'm so disgusting-"

"Oh my god." Bambam cut in. "Gyeom, that explains- oh my god." He picked his boyfriend from the floor and held him. "You're not disgusting. Oh. God. I thought you didn't love me, all this time, I was so selfish, I'm sorry. Oh baby." 

When Jaebum interrupted the emotional scene they all recoiled with new hatred. 

"Jinyoung would you really believe him over me?" It was such a low blow Jackson almost stood up, but his legs still felt so weak from the poison in his system and he sat back down. 

"What the fuck, Jaebum. How can you be such a damn prick." Mark had never sounded so frightening, so determined, so angry. Vengeful. 

"Oh don't you start. Why don't you tell your new crush what you've been doing all this time behind his back? Why don't you explain what happened to Youngjae's neck?" 

"Mark?" Jinyoung sounded tired and frightened. Jackson could practically hear his thoughts. God, please, not him too. 

"I choked Youngjae. In the dark, in the studio." 

Jinyoung fell. The final blow to his shattered world, his last hope destroyed. Pretty Mark? What?

The stares from one crying member to the next, the disbelief, the betrayal, the ugliness... 

Jackson felt it was time to step in. 

"Tell us what Jaebum told you if you said you'd do it for him." He said. Jinyoung glanced up, a streak of hope on his features. Jaebum stiffened and Mark continued, his voice steady.

"He knew I loved him and he said I should understand him and his love for Youngjae. He said if we both abused Youngjae, that Youngjae would obviously draw closer to the kinder one for protection- him of course. He promised he would give me a night of just us in reward for helping him. I was blind- I obeyed him. He gave me what I was asking for. The next night he took his belt and tied my hands and fucked me raw and left me bleeding. He made me feel everything Youngjae felt."

He was crying. "Youngjae's my judge and no one else." 

"Is that-" Jinyoung started. Mark covered his mouth with his hand and nodded. That was when I cried in your arms after running into you. It was when I found out I really loved you. It was too fucking late now, Jinyoung wouldn't forgive him. 

"It wasn't his fault," Youngjae's voice was small and shattered and it caught everyone by surprise. Mark sobbed louder. 

"Youngjae." inyoung sniffed and wiped his eyes. "Did Jaebum do these things to you." 

It all really depended on him now. He was the judge, as Mark had said. All waited with baited breath, tense.

"Honey, tell them. I would never hurt you, you know that." Jaebum desperately tried to salvage his relationship with the one person he had manipulated so much there might be a chance he would agree. 

Jackson prayed he wouldn't.

Youngjae looked like he was concentrating, trying to remember something, a frown on his face. It would be so cute if it didn't include the tears streaming down his face and the yellow around his throat. 

"I love Jaebum hyung." He said. Jaebum beamed and the rest sighed. But he wasn't done. "I remember I told him so..the first night he raped me. Then the next morning he mocked me for it and laughed in my face." 

Jaebum snapped. 

"You fucking little slut. I gave you everything! How could you-" He lunged, his own hands wrapping around Youngjae's throat. How ironic. 

Who knew Mark was strong, right? He looked like he could just blow away with the slightest wind- yet here he was, grabbing Jaebum from off Youngjae, thin arms straining, and throwing him against the nearest wall. He fell, cursing, shaking, a literal monster. Bambam rushed to Youngjae's side and Yugyeom helped Mark in keeping Jaebum from trying again.

Poor Jinyoung. There was still one more thing to add on to his shoulders.

Jackson rose and felt nausea rise to his throat. He had to hurry. He hobbled to Jinyoung's side.

"Call 119. I might be dying. He put something in my drink. There's a tape recorder in my room." Jackson fell. 

He closed his eyes and watched the chaos surrounding him with drooping eyes. Poor Jinyoung, he thought again. It must have been so hard for him to call the police on his best friend of so many years.

It all faded to a peaceful black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just the last chapter/epilogue left. JACKSON DOESNT DIE LOL


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter!!! I'm bad at endings but I worked hard on this so I hope it's a satisfying conclusion! I'm leaving for a vacation tomorrow so I won't be starting my next chaptered fic until I get back, but in the meantime, tell me any smut you want me to write, I'm thinking a one shot collection would be fun! Any group!

Mark and Jinyoung sat side by side in the waiting room of the ER, completely silent and seemingly frozen in time. It was so surreal, so strange, all that had happened in the last twenty four hours. Jinyoung just didn't know what to think anymore. He was numb. What was reality? Was it the dark, painful thud in his chest and the back of his throat, because if so, he didn't want to be part of it. He'd rather stay in his mind, the pretty thoughts he had been having before everything went to shit, the thoughts of him and Mark, thoughts that made him smile and blush and shake his head. 

Before he knew what he knew.

A part of him wished he'd ignored the growing problems in their dynamic, had turned a blind eye towards all the obvious danger, had pretended everything was okay. He cursed his worrying nature, his instincts, his love. Because what had it gotten him? Jaebum...

Jaebum. At the thought of his (former?) friend a wave of sadness crashed over him once again, so strong he bowed his head to keep Mark from seeing. There was a hole in him, a part of him built up over ten years, trust and hardships and laughter and tears and awkward crush stages and nights talking about everything and nothing, all ripped from his soul in the space of a moment. It was too much for him. He was just a human; he wasn't sure he could handle it. 

And then there was Mark. What was he supposed to think? If forgiving Jaebum, his best friend of so long, was completely out of the question, why did he feel like, instead of his condemnation, this older boy needed his love and protection? He had done horrible things all for the sake of what? An infatuation? And yet Jinyoung wasn't mad at him at all; rather, mad at himself for still loving Mark the same way as he had before. 

They had watched the tape in Jackson's room together. Jackson had confronted Jaebum just two days ago, claiming to have seen him applying concealer to Youngjae's bruises. Jaebum had wept and pleaded and apologized, and then when the conversation was seemingly over and Jackson had left the room, the video showed their former leader cursing and spewing hatred, breathing threats before slamming the door behind him. After eleven hours of nothing, he entered the room again and was seen furiously dumping, and then stirring, a white powder into Jackson's protein powder. 

When and where had he gotten it? Had he kept it long, for such a purpose? Jinyoung didn't want to know. The thought that he was willing to injure, even kill?! Their precious Wang puppy... No. His precious Wang puppy. He needed to stop thinking plural. 

"It's not your fault, y'know," Mark spoke suddenly, his voice subdued but still audible. Jinyoung looked up in surprise. How had Mark known just what he felt? 

Of course it wasn't; He supposed he had been a victim just like the rest. 

"It's not yours, either," He replied. The older merely snorted ruefully and didn't say anything else. They relapsed into weary silence once more, Jinyoung watching the rain drops slide down the window in their little race. 

Presently a nurse came from Jackson's room to tell them he would be ok, but they would be keeping him a day or two just to make sure he was completely better. A weight was lifted off Jinyoung's heart, and he almost smiled. Almost. He didn't think he would be able to accomplish that feat in a long time. 

***

The dorm felt weird and empty. Bambam sat on the couch, waiting for Jinyoung to text him back about Jackson's condition. After a very long discussion with their managers and even the CEO himself, it was decided that Youngjae and Yugyeom would both go to visit their parents for a month or two. All of them had the option to, of course, and Bambam still hadn't decided whether he wanted to or not yet. Right now he just needed to think.

It was frustrating, realizing that they had all been hiding things from him, that he was the only one in the dark, oblivious to all the darkness accumulated in their souls. What the hell? That was all he could even think. 

He missed Jaebum. Achingly. It had been so surreal, the hush hush manner in which their mamanger had called the police, watching the officer putting a face mask on the man and leading him away. Everything had to be kept as quiet as possible, because who knew what would happen to them if the public would find out? They had even considered not pressing charges and just giving a vague reason as to why Jaebum would leave his group, but it was too serious a matter to let go like that. He deserved to be punished. Fortunately (was it though?) they had more than enough evidence against him, especially with the video recording, and honestly Bambam didn't know how or when Jackson had found time to be such a genius. Probably when they were all ignoring him. 

He pulled his phone from his pocket and smiled softly when he saw Jinyoung's text updating him on Jackson's status. he missed his friend and wanted him home, but he was too relieved to find that he was okay to mind having to wait another day. 

At least, through all of this, he understood Yugyeom. All those anxious days and sleepless nights, wondering what the hell was going on with the younger, useless time wasted thinking he wasn't good enough and feeling insecure, getting so confused because if all his hyungs said Gyeommie loved him, then why wouldn't he look him in the eyes? It was all solved, his fears laid to rest. Still. That part of him wanted to kill Jaebum. 

He shuddered at the thought and shook his head. He would be strong for Gyeom. He wouldn't let Jaebum get to him the way he had damaged his other half. 

He smiled to himself, hope filling him as he thought of the new beginning him and Gyeom could share, and texted his boyfriend (the word sounded so nice in his mind that he said it out loud, tasting the syllables like candy). 

"I can't wait to see you again." 

***

Mark felt so tense as they drove back to the dorm, together. The silence was so thick it could have strangled him. Karma was out for him after all, he supposed. Jinyoung's knuckles were white on the steeling wheel, and Mark only had to look down to where his own shook in his lap to guess why. He wanted to say something, anything; but the words were caught in his throat, clawing up his windpipe and falling back down every time his nerves caused him to gulp. Did Jinyoung hate him? Did he pity him? Was he repulsed? Hope was something Mark had grown out of, so the thought didn't faze him. It just made him really, really sad. 

He felt more than a little lost. Even though Jaebum had been a poison, he was a drug that Mark had developed a dependency for nonetheless. Knowing that the man wasn't by his side, a hand on the back of his neck (trapping him), guiding him, telling him what to do, that he would never be there again...it was fucking scary. Mark wanted to crawl into a hole never to be seen again, because now, without the excuse of the abuser, all his actions, all his mistakes, were his own. He alone was to be blamed from now on. He'd never realized how much of a coward he was until now. 

"Do you think they'll prosecute him?" He speaks against his will, subconscious taking over his fear and his voice sounds odd, disembodied, like he's someone else hearing it. 

Jinyoung doesn't answer for a moment, slowing to a halt at a red light and breathing in deeply. He looks so tired. 

"For sure." It's good news, isn't it? They want Jaebum to be locked up, right? So why does Jinyoung's face hold the deepest grief, the darkest hopelessness, a pain unable to be relieved? It hurts Mark, and he wants to squeeze him, hold him, wipe his tears and tell him it'll be all right. 

But it's not true. It won't be alright. In just two days, JYPE would release the news that Jaebum would be leaving the group due to health concerns. What would GOT7 be without him professionally? Their leader, main vocal, composer, lead dancer...For better or for worse, he was the glue that held the group together. Without him, they would fall apart. Without him, they were nothing. 

As if he could hear Mark's thoughts, the younger man spoke. 

"We're better without him, I hope neither of us forget it. What's worse, Got7 with only six men, or Got7 with six men and one monster?" His voice cracked, evidence that he didn't quite believe his own words, but they struck Mark. 

Later that night, as he lay in bed as if he could sleep, they echoed in his mind. 'What's worse'? Him, on his own, or him, with Jaebum controlling him? What was worse, JInyoung, heart broken and at a loss on what to do, or Jinyoung still believing in a "friend" who cared nothing for him? Got7 instead of Got6, or Got6 slowly dying at the hands of one? Youngjae, poor Youngjae, on his own, allowed to assert himself and his individuality no matter how much he didn't want to, or Youngjae, forced into a vicious cycle of abuse and confusion at the hands of the man he loved? Jaebum behind bars, or Jaebum with them? It didn't matter how much they needed him or wanted him, because in the end, the need and want to get away from him would overpower any trivial feelings of grief, guilt, or even security. It was necessary for their survival, not only as a group, but as individuals, that Jaebum was completely and utterly eliminated from their lives.

Mark was happy he was gone. Of course, he felt sympathy for his band mates, but, after the last interactions he and Jaebum had shared, any positive feeling for the man had vanished. Mark was rid of him, at last, free to love and nurture and and protect just as his nature wished him to. He was lost without Jaebum, like a child taking steps without his mother's hand behind him for the first time. But even if he fell, he would fall on his terms. It was scary, yes, but it was also liberating. 

He was on his own, and he was free.

*two months later* 

Jinyoung, GOT7's new leader, sat in the dorm reading with Yugyeom by his side, a rare moment of peace between them that Bambam thought was too good not to take a picture of. Mark was asleep, looking cute with an oversized hoodie on, snoring softly despite Jackson sitting on his legs. Youngjae made his way to them and sat beside Jackson, just enough room on the couch for them. 

"What are you doing, hyung?" Youngjae asked softly, so the others in the room couldn't hear. Ever since Jackson had gotten home safely, the two had bonded stronger than they ever had before. They both needed time to heal, so it was only reasonable they heal together. Youngjae felt so touched by just how brave and caring Jackson was, risking his life for them, for him, all while he hadn't really been getting the love he deserved from them. The younger would never understand or know how to describe that kind of sacrificial love, and he was fascinated by it, to say the least. After the "love" he had been brainwashed into sharing with Jaebum, anything wholesome, anything pure, anything lovely, he tried to surround himself with, to get himself out of the mindset (Lord knew how many inspirational pinterest quotes he had saved to his computer)and Jackson Wang was the human embodiment of all these things. 

"I'm reading fan comments," Jackson whispered back, his breath tickling Youngjae's hair. They had just had their first comeback as six two weeks ago, and so far, it had been received better than they expected. 

"You shouldn't do that." Youngjae honestly wanted to protect Jackson in some small way, thought that he owed him something. And nothing got Jackson down like reading hate comments. But the older was smiling. 

"They like it! Read this one, Jae."

'This song is so much better than their previous title tracks.' He read. Huh. As they scrolled, they came across many similar comments noting their change in style, their slow, sad song resembling If You Do, much better suited to them than their up beat tracks. One commenter even declared that the songs were better because Jaebum wasn't composing any more. Jackson secretly agreed but he said nothing. 

"They don't miss him as much as I do." Youngjae blurted, then covered his mouth. He hated himself, god, why did he have to speak before thinking? 

"Sorry, I'm so dumb." He said, tried to laugh it off. Jackson gave him a serious look, taking his hand. 

"Sorry for what? Missing him? You're not dumb, you have every right to miss him. I miss him too, sometimes." Youngjae sighed and shook his head. The older didn't get his point.

"Sometimes...I just feel like...He was the only one who would ever like me, y'know? I know it's false, but every now and then I feel sad for giving him up, because at the end of the day, he did see me in a way no one else did, even if he went about it wrong." He didn't notice, but Jackson had a hint of pink in his cheeks when he spoke. 

"He's definitely not the only one to see you like that, though. You're a beautiful person in every aspect of the word." Youngjae was taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, so much so that a lump formed in his throat. 

"After Mark and Bambam both rejected me (he laughed) I thought it must be because there was something wrong with me, yeah? But after a while I just realized that we weren't meant to be. They've both found their other halves, and I know I will too, someday. It might just take a little longer than I want." Jackson finished, looking away from Youngjae's eyes. The younger smiled, but since he couldn't find any words to say, he just squeezed Jackson's hand instead. 

***

Their comeback won ten awards within the next month. Maybe God felt sorry for them, maybe it was luck, maybe it actually was the fact that Jaebum didn't have a part in the composition. In the end, it didn't really matter; what did matter was that it happened. Every day someone new would watch their MV, buy their album, stream the title track. Although they had lost a few Ahgases due to Jaebum's departure, in the end the hundreds of new fans flooding them with love more than made up for it. One day Jinyoung got off the phone with JYP himself, who had called just to congratulate him and his group on the splendid job they were doing, though Jinyoung failed to mention that at first, only sighing and exclaiming that the man still called him Junior. They were doing...well, amazing, to be honest. Yugyeom and Bambam were constantly either making googly eyes at each other, or bickering about which of them had smellier farts. Jackson was his usual bright, energetic self, and though Youngjae spent tons of time at his parent's house, he was smiling again. 

And then...there was Mark. Jinyoung's pulse quickened exponentially whenever he thought of the older boy, the few kisses they had shared, the tension rising ever higher each time they spoke to one another. It was time to do something about it, and Jinyoung would do it the right way. He just had to gather his courage. 

So one night, after Yugbam had gone out for dinner and Youngjae was with his mother, Jinyoung booted Jackson out and told him to get with one of his many friends. Jackson gave him a perverted smile and patted his ass before actually leaving like the good sport he was, and then Jinyoung was alone with his pretty hyung. He knew so many things could go wrong. Mark might not feel ready to commit, he might never want a relationship again, might flat out reject Jinyoung for no apparent reason. He might have a panic attack like Yugyeom had, might think Jinyoung only cared about his body, might be too scared to ever do it again. 

But Jinyoung loved Mark, and he would prove himself to him or at least try to. 

He took a deep breath and entered the living room, his heart pumping at the sight of Mark curled up on the sofa with his long hair brushed forward. He looked so fluffy and yet at the same time, ethereal. 

"Hey, hyung," He said, trying to sound casual, and Mark immediately smiled and made room for him. He sat, shoving shaking hands into his pockets so Mark couldn't see them. 

"Come here, I'm cold," Mark said a little too sweetly, almost as if he had the same idea. If he did, Jinyoung certainly wasn't complaining. He scooted as close to Mark as possible and then, on a dare he made for himself, pulled the older's legs over his lap. Mark just smiled. 

For the next fifteen minutes or so they made random small talk, ignoring the obvious tension in favor of choosing to suffer by discussing which instant ramen brand had the least sodium. Jinyoung zoned out as Mark spoke, because all he could think of were the older's large, pretty hands on him, maybe the boy actually sitting on his lap, perhaps leaning down to kiss his neck...

"Jinyoungie," Mark giggled. The noise had Jinyoung gulping, and God, he loved the way his name sounded on Mark's tongue. Speaking of Mark's tongue...

"Jinyoungie." Mark said, firmly this time, grabbing his attention.

"Yes, hyung?" He asked, hoping the other wasn't mad at him for ignoring him. 

"You're hard." Mark smiled unsettlingly.

A long silence dragged between them before Jinyoung took a deep breath.

"Can I kiss you hyung?" 

He'd never had to think about it being something he asked for consent for, but the appreciative gaze Mark gave him made him feel like he earned the happy nod that followed. He leaned closer, and in the blink of an eye, Mark's arms were around him and their lips were joined. Mark was surprisingly eager, dominant even, and Jinyoung loved the challenge, pushing his tongue between almost sharp teeth only to be met with Mark's own. Their hands were searching, finding purchase on skin and grabbing, heat rising between them like Jinyoung's mother had turned the thermostat to 74 on a 52 degree day. It didn't take long before shirts were being shucked off, Mark laying on his back and pulling Jinyoung down onto himself before rutting into him. 

Jinyoung choked.

"You're so beautiful, god, I love you." He was afraid for a second that that was a line he ought not to have crossed yet, but Mark just grinned, eyes hooded, a flush on his cheeks. 

"Prove it." 

***

When they were done, they moved to the bedroom, showering and pulling on comfy pajamas before slipping into the bed together for the first time. Jinyoung had never felt so content in his entire life, and he concluded he must have done something great in the last one for him to be rewarded with such a treasure. A sleepy Mark continued to press little kisses all over his face and shoulder, smiling giddily and accurately reflecting what Jinyoung felt inside. As they drifted off to sleep, it didn't occur to either of them (though it would in the morning) that for the first time in months, neither took melatonin, neither dreaded closing their eyes, neither lay awake hours after they had finished their night time routine. Neither of them thought of him. 

They held each other close, fell asleep, and stayed that way until they were greeted by the light of a brand new, hopeful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this story with unhealthy noncon so I ended it with wholesome consensual lovemaking! Jackjae if you squint haha!! Anyway, my next project will be Monsta X, so feel free to leave any ideas or concepts you'd like to see! I thrive off suggestions!!! Thank you all for sticking with this horrible story I really appreciate it. This has been so much fun to write and it wouldn't be without all my lovely readers! Thank you uwu

**Author's Note:**

> There goes that. Please comment thoughts and opinions! I want to hear from you all <3


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